Gov. Jim Gibbons is apparently hiring Department of Public Safety spokesman Dan Burns as his new press secretary, after the surprise and unceremonious sacking of Ben Kieckhefer on Friday afternoon. Why? The Las Vegas Sun’s Cy Ryan reports Gibbons wants “more experience” in his press secretary.

Here’s a tip, governor: Press secretaries aren’t magicians. They can’t produce positive stories when the guy they work for is a walking fuckup machine. You could hire the best spin doctors in the world and, if your name is Jim Gibbons, you’re still going to get bad press. You could genetically combine James Carville, Dee Dee Meyers, David Axlerod, Marlin Fitzwater, the late Tony Snow and whatever assholes convinced us in the 1950s that smoking was perfectly healthy, and that person still couldn’t help.

If you want to blame somebody for bad press, governor, take a gander in the nearest mirror. That glassy-eyed guy staring back? He’s the person you should fire.

Anyway, good luck to Burns, he’s going to need it. And Kieckhefer? He’s been offered Burns’s old job at public safety. Here’s our advice: Run. Run as far and as fast as you can away from this administration, and don’t look back. We know the economy sucks right now, but making copies at Kinko’s is a better gig, in that there’s far less crying yourself to sleep wondering if your soul will ever come back to life. Run. Trust us.

UPDATE: A hat tip to my colleague Jon Ralston, who thought to disprove the governor’s excuse for firing Kieckhefer by delving into the news release archives and digging up the one issued June 27 where Kieckhefer was promoted from press secretary to director of communications. That promotion, according to the release, “recognizes the work he is already doing and is, according to Governor Gibbons, ‘a well-deserved promotion to an excellent member of our staff.’”

Inspired by Ralston’s research, we dug even further, and found the March 12 release announcing Kieckhefer’s initial appointment. (You know what’s coming right? You just know what Gibbons said back then, don’t you?) No? Well, check it, bitches: “I’m pleased to announce this appointment, which will help my administration communicate more effectively with the media and the people of Nevada. Kieckhefer’s experience as a reporter covering the Nevada State Legislature will be invaluable to his service in my office.” (Emphasis added.)

Oh, man, we are so glad we’re not Dan Burns…