Republicans, after mastering the ability to detect previously undiscovered subatomic particles even smaller than quarks, have confirmed the existence of a “Republican soul” so tiny as to have gone undiscovered well into the age of quantum physics. They immediately began fighting over it.

Only kidding. The technology does not yet exist to detect the “Republican soul,” which many quantum physicists continue to insist is a myth.

But the fighting? Oh, that’s real, baby. And it’s playing out across the state of Nevada today in a little thing you may have heard about, known as the “primary election.”

In that election, more conservative Republicans (we like to call them “chaos conservatives,” inasmuch as they wouldn’t mind seeing government thrown into chaos by budget cuts and program eliminations) are battling it out with non-ideological or Establishment Republicans for the title to the party. Here’s a few races to watch:

• Washoe County: State Sen. Bill Raggio (Establishment Republican) versus Chaos Conservative Sharron Angle. Angle, who is sometimes referred to as a “movement conservative,” apparently a pejorative reference to the human excretory system, is challenging Raggio, the state’s longest-serving state senator. Angle has pursued limiting property taxes — thus far to no avail — and voted against pretty much everything during her unremarkable career in the Assembly. Raggio, who has voted for taxes in the past, is a wily master of the process in the upper house and a lone bulwark against Southern Nevada power banking. Angle has made the Iron Man of the Senate nervous this time around, but we think he’ll pull it out by day’s end.
• Assembly District 4: Assemblywoman Francis Allen (non-ideological Republican) versus a trio of more-to-the-right Republicans you’ve never heard of before. The GOP has been trying to knock Allen off for almost her entire Assembly career, mostly because she’s friendly with Democrats (and why not? They’re more fun) and refuses to sign a no-tax pledge (”It’s forever!” she exclaims.) Despite a truly awful radio interview performance on KNPR-FM 88.9 and since-recanted allegations that she stabbed her soon-to-be-ex-husband in the arm, Allen stands a chance of winning this one. If the Republicans had settled on a single nominee, they might have had a better chance. As it stands, if she wins this one, we think she’ll win forever.
• Assembly District 21: Assemblyman Bob Beers (non-ideological Republican) versus Jon Ozark (conservative Republican). The assemblyman shares a name with the conservative state senator, but that’s where the similarity ends. Beers carried a bill favored by unionizing dealers at Wynn Las Vegas to prevent tip-stealing at that upscale property, and he’s made comments about Republicanism being an “ill-fitting suit” for him. Enter conservative challenger Ozark, who’s out-raised and out-mailed the incumbent.
• Assembly District 32: Assemblyman John Marvel (conservative Republican) versus a bunch of other Republicans, including former Assemblyman Don Gustavson. Yeah, remember that 2003 tie-breaking vote to pass $832 million in new taxes, the one that prevented a Republican minority from holding the state hostage well into fall? Apparently, the GOP hasn’t forgotten, even if Marvel’s constituents have endorsed his continued service in 2004 and 2006. And since taxes are an even bigger issue in rural Nevada than down here, there could be trouble in … in … in wherever it is that Marvel is from up there in the rurals. Battle Mountain, maybe?
• Clark County Commission District A: Would-be Commissioner Brian Scroggins versus an unnamed Republican to be named later. Even if Scroggins wins the leftover votes in a Bruce Woodbury-free primary, he may not be the eventual nominee. Should the suddenly term-limited incumbent win, it won’t count, and the party will get to pick the nominee, and that might not be Scroggins, even if he’s the next highest vote-getter. Although he’s been a loyal party member, Clark County Republicans can be a contentious bunch, and they may want somebody else for the job, admittedly more for pragmatic than ideological reasons.

And all that’s to say nothing of the battle going on nationally, where disaffected conservatives look scornfully on John McCain, who is trying to become more conservative by the moment. He’ll benefit from the inexplicable Hillary Clinton supporters who can’t stomach Barack Obama, but there’s little doubt that plenty of right-wingers in McCain’s own party see this is a race to sit out.

(Oh, some may be tempted to fix things by having Obama pick Hillary as a running mate, but that would be stupid.)

Isn’t this exciting people? If you haven’t voted already, get thee to a polling place! And tune in tonight to VegasPBS (Channel 10) where we’ll be discussing the race with Nevada Week in Review’s Mitch Fox. And if you still can’t get enough, tune in at 9 a.m. tomorrow to State of Nevada on KNPR-FM 88.9, where we’ll chat about the results with a bevy of local journalists including host Dave Berns, conservative commentator Chuck Muth and our colleague Jon Ralston.