If you’ve driven to California, you’ll know what we’re talking about. You’re cruising down the freeway, maybe going up a hill, and everything’s fine. You’re in the No. 1 (fast) lane, and a couple 18-wheel, big-rig trucks are in the No. 2 (left) lane. Suddenly, the truck going 63 miles per hour jumps out in front of you, causing you to slam on your brakes and wait for a couple minutes while he struggles past the truck in front of him that was going 62 miles per hour. If you’re really unlucky, two or three trucks do the passing maneuver while you and your fellow drivers idle. In the “fast” lane.
It’s called getting “truck fucked.” And it happens all the time, even in zones where “no passing” signs are clearly posted. And you don’t want that happening to you.
But now, the nation’s truckers are attempting to collectively truck fuck all of us, by demanding that we return to the days of low speed limits. No, they’re not going all the way and demanding a return to 55 mph, which had to be the most widely violated law in America for the two decades it was in place. But they are suggesting — through their lobbying group the American Trucking Associations — a 65 mph national speed limit. And they’ve convinced a senior Republican senator, John Warner of Virginia, to start the debate.
Why? High gas prices. If we all slowed down a little, everybody could save money on gas, including and especially the truckers.
Now, call us crazy, but we seem to recall that when higher taxes or fees were suggested for the trucking industry in Nevada, one of its representatives replied that the truckers would simply raise prices to cover the additional cost of fuel, thus increasing the cost of goods and services. (And by “one of its representatives,” of course we mean Gov. Jim Gibbons.) So, pray tell, why don’t truckers simply increase their fees?
What’s that? They have? And that’s why bread and milk and stuff is more expensive? Oh, we see. Well, why not raise those fees more to compensate even further? Or has the industry reached a breaking point, where they are forced to — oh, the horror! — eat profits?
We, of course, oppose a national speed limit of 65 mph. As regular readers know, we are the leadest of the lead-foot drivers. Our “speed limit” is either Warp 3 (39 times the speed of light, or 7,254,000 miles per second) or the structural integrity limit of our vehicle, whichever comes first. We hate speed limits for myriad reasons, not least of which is the fact that states short on revenue (hello, Nevada!) will use the extra money generated by fines to boost the general fund, when clearly some sort of tax on the trucking industry should fill that gap.
Warner, for his part, said he was motivated to advocate for a speed limit when he read that a charity group couldn’t afford gas to deliver hot meals to people. May we suggest to the good senator a tax credit for charities that deliver hot meals to people? You can offset it with … hey, how about a tax on those lovable people who are trying to slow us down on the roads — again — even when they can’t be there in person to jam up the fast lane?
You remember them: The truck fucks.
This entry was posted
on Sunday, July 13th, 2008 at 7:16 pm and is filed under
Various Things & Stuff.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the
RSS 2.0 feed.
You can
leave a response, or
trackback from your own site.
Blogs
The following comments are provided by readers and are the sole responsiblity of the authors. By publishing a comment here you agree to the comment policy. If you see a comment that violates the policy, please notify the Online staff.