Democrats had a news conference today to announce the appointment of the well-respected state Sen. Terry Care as Clark County’s very own Official Jimmy Carter Election Monitor. So, you know, that should fix all the problems of a do-over county Democratic convention slated for April 12.

Still, we thought it was amusing that somebody had hoisted the Nevada flag upside down in front the Thomas & Mack Center, where the news conference was held. That is generally regarded as a sign of distress. (Maybe some college types angry at Gov. Jim Gibbons for those budget cuts?)

But it was all smiles and cooperation as anxious Democrats tried to smooth over Feb. 23’s Clusterfuck Convention and prepare everybody for April 12, the date selected for Clark County Democratic Party Convention II: Revenge of the Clusterfuck.

Somehow, we think the current (as of this writing) chairman of the county party has been humbled by the metric tons of criticism heaped upon him by pretty much everybody except the Republicans since Feb. 23 went horribly awry. He apologized again, and this time didn’t try to weasel out of it by once again angrily blaming the Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama campaigns or pretending that “it’s all good.”

“I want to apologize to all Democrats who were inconvenienced or frustrated,” said He Who Shall Not Be Named. (We call him that ever since a source told us he loves seeing his name in print or hearing it uttered on TV. We’re not enablers!)

At least, that’s what we think he said. The news conference was constantly interrupted by aircraft taking off from McCarran’s Runway One-Niner Right, so it was hard to hear sometimes.

As a result of the negotiations between the campaigns, the county party and the state party (which has been tasked by the Democratic National Committee to “fix it”), an executive committee has been appointed. Members are: He Who Shall Not Be Named; state party Chairman Sam Lieberman; state Sen. Steven Horsford, representing the Obama campaign; Clark County Commission Chairman Rory Reid, representing the Clinton campaign, and Care, introduced as the “third party administrator.” He will have the job of arbitrating disputes between the parties.

The fact that the convention has to essentially be turned over to a third-party administrator is a statement in itself that the existing leadership totally screwed the political pooch Feb. 23, and could not be trusted to run things smoothly April 12. But it seems like the best way to restore confidence in the process, and avoid a potential riot.

Currently, volunteers from the state party, the county party, and the two conventions are sorting through records to identify duly elected delegates, who will receive their credentials and instructions on April 1. (Oh, my God! April 1! As if this thing hasn’t been enough of a joke!) The April 12 gathering will be held at the Thomas & Mack, and voting will take place starting at 8 a.m. and continuing until 7 p.m., allowing shift workers and the totally lazy to cast their votes.

All we can say is this: We really hope the county party goes the extra mile and has the beer concessions open that day. Because it took three Scotches for us to wash off the residue of the last convention. We prefer the fine taste of Gordon Biersch, if you’re listening, county party.

Speaking of that, He Who Shall Not Be Named says the county party will bear the majority of the costs of the second convention, but may ask the state party or the campaigns to pitch in. Nobody will be asked to pay a registration fee at the second convention. And he’s negotiating to get the Thomas & Mack at cost.

“Again, I want to assure Democrats this will be an entirely different experience than the one of Feb. 23,” He said, apologizing again for failing to foresee the easily foreseeable problems of that day. Aw, gee, with everybody so happy and coming together Obama-style, we almost feel sorry for the guy. Almost sorry enough to use his name, maybe just once.

Almost.

Today’s balloting has us excited, but not because of Clinton vs. Obama. Residents of a tiny Vermont town are voting today on whether or not President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney should be indicted for violating the Constitution.

Reader Jamie Huston writes:

Irony abounds at CityLife. In “Psst, Mormons… it’s not about you,” Hugh Jackson first scoffs at the idea that people didn’t support Mitt Romney because he’s a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, then launches an assault on Mitt Romney because he’s LDS. Jackson even made a reluctant reference to the polls that showed many people wouldn’t vote for Romney because of his religion, though he tried to warp the wording and play it down.

Jackson says Romney’s lack of support was because he’s a “flip-flopper.” Jackson spews this slur seven times, but he doesn’t cite proof, nor does he mention the conservative consensus that emerged in support of Romney, from Ann Coulter to National Review. Wouldn’t they know if he was a hypocrite?

But Jackson couldn’t resist the temptation to make some bigoted attacks himself. In his disdain for religion, he pooh-poohs “any grouping of human beings convinced that a magic invisible god … has revealed to them, and only them, the one superior truth.” Actually, Latter-day Saints may be the only group that claims to have literal truth, and says they can back it up with a tangible artifact that establishes its veracity: The Book of Mormon.

Jackson clearly hasn’t done any homework here (try www.MormonEvidence.com for some eye-openers), and proves it by coughing up accusations that are intellectually akin to “9/11 was an inside job” conspiracies. If he’d said these kinds of things about any racial minority, rather than a religious one, CityLife would be releasing its hounds. Where’s the outrage when Mormons are the target of persecution?Oh wait, I forgot … Jackson says it’s not important. Talk about hypocrisy.

Trust us, if this weren’t Bill O’Reilly, we wouldn’t bother, but:

So Bill O’Reilly calls 50 Cent a pinhead for thinking someone might assassinate U.S. Sen. Barack Obama. Seems like something Bill would say.

But read this from the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram.

Now, watch Fiddy’s rebuttal.

He — and millions of Americans who grew up like him — feel the same way about potential assassination. After all, the black community has endured it before.

This week, Salon’s Joe Conason explores the unholy alliance between Ralph Nader and John McCain. We may never know for sure whether Nader, now snorting and pawing the ground again for the third time in eight miserable years, is simply the blind-to-his-own-hypocrisy megalomaniac we already know him to be, or an advocate of something more sinister. In any case, it’s almost certain he’s never kissed a girl.

The news has been buried under piles of twice-used syringes, castor beans in a cheap motel room, NASCAR preparation and Divorceapalooza 2008 coverage, but my colleague Jon Ralston has the shocking, sad story.

Las Vegas Sands, the company headed by billionaire Sheldon Adelson,  filed a pair of initiatives today, one to divert room tax money used by the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority and use it on schools, the other to divert room tax money and use it on schools, roads and cops.

How could it have come to this? How could things have gotten this bad? Where did the world go so topsy turvy that a man Forbes ranks as the sixth-richest in the world, a man who owns a governor outright, would be forced to … we can barely type the words … circulate an initiative like some ordinary slob?

This isn’t the Las Vegas we know.

Now, instead of dictating policy from the executive suites at The Venetian, Adelson (well, Adelson’s people) are going to have to search for support among the regular folk. And that means arguing that their ideas are better, rather than just calling Gov. Jim Gibbons and having him regurgitate whatever he’s told. God, if we’re not careful, this could degenerate into democracy.

Anyway, poor Adelson will be subjected to something he probably never hears: Counter-arguments! People will say that it’s a stupid idea to take room tax money and use it on schools, since the convention authority needs it to promote Las Vegas. Or that the money is already committed to bonds, and to the multi-million- dollar upgrades at the convention center. Or that more than half of the money already goes for schools and roads.

The really cynical among the population might even suggest that Adelson was circulating these initiatives to kill the LVCVA because it competes with his private convention center at the Venetian.

How, how, how could it have come to this, a time in Las Vegas when the wealthy and powerful have to stoop down to use the tools of democracy like they were crazy potheads trying to legalize marijuana or misanthropic failed congresswomen trying to assault nurses and cops? This is an outrage, people!

Gee, what’s a candidate named Barack Obama with a steadfast and principled stand against the Iraq war from the beginning to do when a lefty popcult figurine shills for the surge? The Tomb Raider herself busted out the idea in yesterday’s WashPo:

As for the question of whether the surge is working, I can only state what I witnessed: U.N. staff and those of non-governmental organizations seem to feel they have the right set of circumstances to attempt to scale up their programs. And when I asked the troops if they wanted to go home as soon as possible, they said that they miss home but feel invested in Iraq. They have lost many friends and want to be a part of the humanitarian progress they now feel is possible.

As a candidate who seems to have gotten much of his momentum from cultural juggernauts, Obama’s surely considering some new terrain on the playing field now. One thing’s for sure: You sooo know he’s praying Bono doesn’t come out in favor of the surge.

The song of Obama’s worst nightmare: “One surge/ One life … “

1. “I really think we should get a puppy. Did I say puppy? I meant divorce.”

2. “Hi honey. How was your divorce day? There’s some leftover divorce lasagna in the divorce fridge if you’re hungry for divorce. Oh, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about … ”

3. “You look really nice in that suit. You’re going to look really good when I tell you I want a divorce.”

4. “There’s something I want to tell you. But … well … maybe if I say this in Yoda language it will soften the blow a bit. I guess what I want to say is: Divorce very badly I want, yes, because always chasing cocktail waitresses you are. Very tired of it I am. Half I want, yes. See you in court I will.”

Anybody who’s been through a divorce knows it’s not pretty. And we at Various Things & Stuff have a lot of sympathy for those couples who, for whatever reason, decide to call it quits, as it now appears Gov. Jim Gibbons and his wife, Dawn, might.

But what could possibly have possessed Gibbons’ “Chief Operating Officer” Diane Cornwall to comment about the possibility of a divorce to the Reno Gazette-Journal today? According to Cornwall’s statement, a decision hasn’t been made, but will be discussed at a “family meeting” this weekend?

Could it have been the fact that the matter was being discussed on blogs? (Here, with funny pirate picture, here, with another funny pirate picture, and once again here?) We know Gibbons reads the blogs, after all.

But seriously: This is essentially a private matter between the governor and his wife. Why in the hell would Gibbons No. 2 staffer go blabbing about it to people?

Oh, that’s right: Because this is the Gibbons administration, which never misses an opportunity to screw the political pooch. And it’s impossible to conceive that Cornwall acted without the governor’s blessing.

We’ll admit rumors of this pending divorce have been out there for awhile, and we at Various Things & Stuff heard them. We didn’t write about them, for good or ill, because they didn’t meet our standards. Whether the governor and his wife are divorcing, as we’ve said, is a private matter that has nothing to do with how Gibbons is running the state.

But thanks to what we can only assume is a ham-handed attempt to get in front of the story, or to counter the blogs, or whatever the hell they were thinking, it’s now something else: News. Expect to see this story everywhere, including the pro-Gibbons Review-Journal.

Nice work, Gibbons people. Just another sign you’re not ready for prime time.

UPDATE: Gubernatorial advisor Jim Denton spoke to the Associated Press about the Reno Gazette-Journal’s report, lamenting thusly: “Unfortunately, their role in public life has brought this into the public arena, which doesn’t happen with most people.”

Alas, the AP account confirmed Denton spoke publicly after the Gazette-Journal story was published. That’s after Cornwall spoke to the Gazette-Journal. Which means that it’s still the Gibbons camp that put the matter into the public arena, not the governor’s “role in public life.”
Nice try, Denton. But no cigar.

UPDATE 2: Once again, it’s scary how much conservative activist Chuck Muth and we at Various Things & Stuff agree.

CLARIFICATION: When we initially heard this sorry tale, we understood that Diane Cornwall contacted the Reno Gazette-Journal to offer her comments. That is incorrect, according to a blog post by our colleague Anjeanette Damon.  Damon says she was working on the story and called Cornwall for comment, and Cornwall obliged.

The fact that the Reno Gazette-Journal and the Review-Journal were working on the story, however, doesn’t change our opinions about the newsworthiness of it expressed herein. We still believe Cornwall was wrong to discuss it, at least until the first couple had made a final decision to divorce. Readers can judge for themselves whether our view, or the views of our media and blogosphere colleagues, are correct.

Next up for the Democratic candidates: the War on E-Mail.

Backup documents here.

President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have finally done it. They’ve nearly guaranteed that an entire generation has written off the Republican Party.

However, unlike in prior elections, research shows that the kids are thronging, en masse, to the Dems.

Need to bone up on your presidential candidates before that inconvenient Election Day? Forget Wikipedia, get the skinny on your favorite political fat cats at Dickipedia.

Clinton has her own entry. Tellingly, Obama does not.

Reader Jane Heenan writes:

I attended Saturday’s Clark County Democratic Convention as a delegate for Barack Obama, and I want to share what I believe is the convention’s most important story: Community. Thousands of us were together from early morning until late afternoon, talking, laughing, cheering and, yes, sometimes, screaming. Many relationships were born Saturday among people brought together and nurtured by the energy of the convention. I have been here almost 14 years and I have had never experienced the feeling of community present Saturday. This is even more significant in a city which has grown as Las Vegas has for many years — finally, it seems, we may be growing up as a community.

The official business of the convention remains unfinished, and party leaders did not provide adequate support for this work to be done. I trust that they will do what is necessary and that we will get to this important work when the convention reconvenes. And I believe that the more important work of getting up, going out and working together to build community will continue when the convention reconvenes. I am excited and proud to be a part of such change, and I met many people last Saturday who will join me.

The deeper truth is that this convention was and is an historic opportunity — and clearly we have work left to do.

Well, George Bush finally managed to unite somebody — or, in this case, a lot of somebodies. Thousands of them.

So many, in fact, that Clark County Democratic Chair John Hunt, megaphone in hand, had to climb onto a table to tell a hallway full of folks waiting to get into the county convention today at Bally’s that only delegates would be allowed onto the convention floor. At this point, the main room was so packed it was beyond stretching the limits of the fire code, so alternate delegates and other non-delegates in the hall already had been asked to leave and were shunted into rooms off the convention floor. As Hunt made his announcement, the line still waiting to get in gushed down a long hallway, spilled into the casino, then oozed past the reception area before washing up on the shore of the Bally’s entrance, coating the area in a unctuous mixture of frustration and despair. It was, as George might say, very mis-dis-orgasmsized and confusioning, to say the least.

(He probably would have hated the oil-slick of humanity metaphor, too, if only he knew what a metaphor was.)

But the Democrats probably owe Bush a thank-you for at least re-kindling their interest in the democratic process — even though as the day wore on, they didn’t seem to know how to make the process work. Alas, there didn’t seem to be a decider in the house.