Yes, we’re all deeply tired of Sarah Palin’s sorry ass at this point, but I did want to address one thing. Many disgruntled Republicans have complained of Palin’s “diva” behavior. Now, I’m glad they specified that it was her behavior and not her actual state. For example, you would never say Maria Callas was acting like a diva. You’d say she was being a diva. Which Palin most certainly is not, regardless of what she may pretend. Now, it’s not just her appalling policies (book-banning, choice-depriving, shooting wolves from freakin’ airplanes fer chrissake) or her fascist tendencies — those have never stopped me from admiring the echt-divaness of Evita Peron – it’s that she’s just not special enough.

Put it this way: She may come from the woods but she is no force of nature.

Refusing to answer an interviewer’s questions while blithely continuing your monologue is very diva-ish behavior, but not when the speech you were so desperate to make comes out like a recitation of someone else’s college freshman notes. No, that would be the time for the wit, eloquence and self-assurance of a Tallulah Bankhead. And can you imagine anyone more distant from Sarah Palin than Tallulah Bankhead? The winking, the “you betchas,” they shriek of a desire to appear ordinary that no true diva would even recognize, much less pursue. And, frankly, she’s condescending to her audience and divas do not do that. They seduce, they berate, they adore, they ignore, they uplift, they cajole, they attack, but they do not condescend. And you can be down-home without being like that. I have seen Dolly Parton from the fifth row and you, lady, are no Dolly Parton.

Another reason she’s not a diva is, truly, she’s really just a teenager. As my friend Laura astutely put it, “she’s like the mean girl” and indeed she is. As far as I understand it, the woman governed her state like she was in high school: Rewarding those who she likes today, punishing those she doesn’t. Add in the desperate need for attention and the childish idea that being a politican means someone else picks up the tab for your trips, your kids’ trips, your designer wardrobe (And how the hell did she spend over $150,000?! I mean, I know those suits weren’t Prada! I saw no Alexander McQueen ballgown!), and anything else you might desire. In this respect, she exemplifies the very traits that men always said were the reasons women should not take political office. Emotional, narcissistic, greedy, she makes me ashamed of my gender and my nation, since I know, you know, even Bill O’ Reilly knows that we have some truly outstanding women in our government. But, no, we gotta play amateur night at the beauty pageant with this bimbo who is still hoodwinking ‘em that cunning and ambition are the same as intelligence and accomplishment. Publicly, people still act as though, as long as Palin can string three sentences together without crying or throwing up on herself, she’s making a smashing success. Our expectations of her are that low. And low expectations never made a diva.

One thing, though: I will give her credit for the hair. That Breakfast at Tiffany’s beehive she was sporting at the beginning was fun and I also enjoyed the Raquel Welch/Miss September 1971 sex kitten ‘do she wore at the Republican Governors Convention. But, beyond that, Ms. Palin is another ranting fascist blowup doll of the Far Right and talk radio airbags and Fox News blowhards will continue to babble about her brilliance and the media’s sexism alll the while fantasizing about her dressed in leather, pissing in their mouths.

My only regret is that Hunter S. Thompson did not live to eviscerate this woman in prose.