The good news is that in the year 2094 we managed to save one iceberg and one polar bear. The bad news is the only way to save them was by launching both into the icy reaches of deep space.

According a recent report issued by a specially neutered appointed government panel, Nevada can still reduce greenhouse gases AND build three heavily polluting coal-fired power plants — if, that is, you brew up some fake mindwormy voodoo science terminology like “reducing greenhouse gas intensity,” which roughly translates into, uh, “increasing greenhouse gases.”

If you want a cartoony shorthand version of why the Gibbons commission’s suggestions will do about as much to reduce global warming as making burnt offerings to Qorloch the Ozone Layer God, check out our illustrated story in this week’s issue.

If you want an impassioned rhetorical disembowelment of this useless study — penned by a Columbia university science prof who recently garnered an award from the state of Nevada, no less — check this out.

Dr. James Hansen, an adjunct professor at the Columbia University Earth Institute, calls the study out on multiple fronts, asking Gibbons to “reject the heart of the committee’s policy proposals as utterly ineffective for achieving the goals that you established for it.” Wham! That’s some science upside da head!