And you think you have it bad? Those sweat stains will never come out.

“Damn was it hot yesterday! I mean, like, really, really hot! Did you see the news? They said 108 degrees. Damn! That’s like … hot! And it’s only May. Can you believe, May? The heat sure was uncomfortable. I think I was even sweating a little bit. I touched the hood of my car and was like, ‘Ouch!’ Boy oh boy was it hot! I know, I know. There’s really no solace or sense in talking about how hot it is, but — I don’t know — I guess there’s like this retarded part of my brain that feels this strange compulsion to remark on the heat and the weather in general in a pointless, circular, conversational grinder that seems to require mundane subjects — ones over which it is completely obvious I have no influence or control — to be fed into it, because if I even dared for a moment to make some kind of more substantive observation on something other than the stultifyingly banal topic of the weather, my brain might fart right out of my ear and then where would I be, huh? So anyway: Damn was it hot! …”

Just as long as the free medical care isn't provided by terrifying zombie doctors!

Volunteers In Medicine of Southern Nevada provides free health care for the valley’s uninsured, with a volunteer staff of experienced doctors who want to give back to the community. The only catch is that it doesn’t exist yet.

But, according to a story today in the Las Vegas Sun, local obstetrician-gynecologist Florence Jameson is committed to turning this noble dream into a reality; she recently met with 100 other medical professionals to kick around the whats, whys and hows of giving free health care to people without insurance. The whats and whys are self-explanatory; it’s the hows that are going to prove tough to tackle — how to deal with liability, how to establish a corps of doctors who will work for free, how to provide services such as X-rays and blood tests, how the group will fund its estimated $1 million annual budget.

They’re big questions, but the recent exploratory meeting seemed to be filled with plenty of optimism and fresh thinking. This 777 is to encourage Volunteers in its mission — and to make a call for community involvement. To learn more, visit www.vmsn.org.

The Nevada State Education Association at noon put out the release about the deal struck with some members of the Gambling Industrial Complex last night, first broken by (in order) my colleagues Jon Ralston, Anjeanette Damon, the Reno Gazette-Journal, the Las Vegas Sun, the Associated Press and, finally this morning, in a “news flash,” the state’s largest newspaper, the Review-Journal.

“Nevada State Education Association Partners with Gaming,” reads the headline. Is that what the young people are calling it these days?

But seriously, folks, the deal for the union to abandon its push to increase the gross gambling tax to 9.75 percent finally brought some gamers (Wynn Resorts, Harrah’s, Station) to the table, but not MGM Mirage’s Terry Lanni or Boyd Gaming, who are not on the list of participants in the peace talks. (Of course, Sheldon Adelson of Las Vegas Sands Inc. has other plans for the room tax money that would, under the deal, be diverted to education, so he’s not involved.)

Under the deal, the room tax would be raised by 3 percent, with the excess money diverted in the next two years to help salve the wounds inflicted by Gov. Jim Gibbons’s indiscriminate cutting of the state budget. After that, the money would go to “educators’ salaries and student achievement.”

Ready for some happy quotes from the parties involved? Here you go:

• Steve Wynn: “We are proud to be part of a solution that works for everyone and more importantly is the right thing to do. Elaine and I have always been strong supporters of education and we value our partnership with the teachers in the effort to improve student achievement.” Alas, the solution really isn’t working for “everyone,” in that at least half the Strip isn’t at the table!
  
• Gary Loveman, CEO of Harrah’s Entertainment: “We take our corporate responsibility to this community seriously. Our employees and their families are important to us and we want to help ensure a quality education for every child in the state.” So, by implication, MGM Mirage, Boyd and Las Vegas Sands DON’T take their corporate responsibility to the community seriously, and DON’T want to ensure a quality education for every child in the state? Yeah, that sounds about right.
  
• Frank Fertitta III, CEO and chairman of Station Casinos: “We are proud to be part of a new day in Nevada’s education system; one in which we work cooperatively with Nevada’s teachers to help improve our kids’ futures.” Now that they’ve dropped their threat to savagely violate our every orifice with their damn gambling tax hike petition, that is.
  
• Barbara Buckley, Assembly speaker: “I’m happy that these organizations could put their differences aside and agree to work together for our kids and I’m proud to be part of this significant breakthrough.” Not so fast, madam speaker! See below…

First, the deal calls for an advisory question to be put before voters. What if the voters say no, perhaps thanks to a campaign against it by the holdout gamers? It also calls for a statutory initiative, which would go before the Legislature. What if the Legislature, especially the state Senate, fails to get to the two-thirds necessary to pass a tax increase, which this is? Or what if Gibbons, frightened by right-wingers holding him to his no-tax pledge, decides to veto it, even in the face of voter and legislative support? (He’s expressing concern at this hour, according to an interview with KLAS Channel 8’s Gary Waddell flashed a few minutes ago by Ralston.) And what about a campaign against the inevitable ballot question, if it comes to that?

There are many places where this deal could still come off the rails. We know the teachers union worked hard to get all the gamers on board, but it seems some didn’t like the feeling of negotiating under the threat of an initiative.

And here’s the thing: Even if the 3 percent room tax deal becomes law now, if the Adelson-backed initiative to amend the constitution to require a two-thirds vote to raise taxes even on ballot initiatives passes this year and again in 2010, the teachers will never be able to circulate another gambling tax in the future and hope to succeed. (Raising taxes on casinos is popular, but not necessarily 67 percent popular.) So this is a big gamble on the union’s part, one that we won’t know the outcome of for some time.

But it’s nice to “partner” with people, isn’t it?

Their eyes ... they seem to follow you ...

This week, we at CityLife did our damnedest to convert you, dear readers, into true believers in our favorite comfort foods. God know, we’ve wrung years of solace and fulfillment out of bacon, Southern fried chicken, sardines (!) and yes, the ubiquitous, yet delicious, slider. If we could share these high-calorie mantras and lead more people to gustatory bliss, we thought, why not? This is public service journalism at its purest. Or, at least, at its most caloric.

Based on yesterday’s report out of Emory University, it seems there’s more to just OD’ing on bacon fat (or cherry pie or steaks or … ) and basking in the warm, thick glow of an old-fashioned gorging session. These impulses, say researchers, are likely hard-wired into our puny primate brains through years of evolution. The research is dense, and is packed with socioeconomic implications that made us wonder if any human, anywhere, has managed to evolve beyond where most of us seem to have been stuck for the last 200,000 years: monkeys who’ve mastered metallurgy, but not their own bellies.