We’d almost forgotten that our own U.S. Sen. John Ensign really, really wants to be John McCain’s running mate until we got the standard congratulations news release today. The release came from the National Senatorial Campaign Committee, of which Ensign is chairman. And in that job, he’s supposed to elect Republicans to the Senate. We’re thinking his prospects aren’t good.

So why not bail, by hitching your star to McCain’s wagon?

It still makes sense. Although Ensign’s hearty endorsement of McCain (back on Feb. 15) claimed the Arizona senator has a “conservative record of fiscal discipline,” Ensign’s record in that regard is even better. Ensign is young and athletic, sometimes skipping Senate votes to go golfing. That vigor balances McCain’s age issue. And Ensign is much more palatable to the red-meat religious conservatives of the party’s right wing, having not embraced Democrats outside of his BFF Harry Reid. He and McCain are both pro-life, and they both appreciate the nuttiness of people such as John Hagee. They both love war, although Ensign has never said American occupation forces could be in Iraq until 12,008, as McCain has.

Granted, there are some factors working against Ensign. First, there’s no regional difference, since McCain is from next-door Arizona. Second, he doesn’t need Ensign to win Nevada, although Democrats continue to insist that their now-growing registration advantage is going to turn the state blue in November. Third, there are plenty of people who make more sense for the job. But we’re still holding on to the glimmer of hope that our own “Johnny Casino” (his nickname among some Senate staffers) turns into the next “Dan Quayle.”

UPDATE: No! Almost as if they knew we were going to write this item today, those bastards over at The Hill are trying to kill Ensign’s chances by bringing up that mysterious period in 2002 where he dropped out of public view and refused to explain why, beyond the fact that it was a “personal matter.”  Clearly, they hate Ensign and don’t want him to be vice president, and mentioning that forgotten episode is just a way to derail this entire enterprise! Damn you, Hill!

For those who don’t know, Sue Lowden is the chairwoman of the Nevada Republican Party. She often puts out news releases and, we must confess, we really enjoy reading them. We don’t agree with much of what she says, but she’s sure entertaining.

Check out her latest effort, on the occasion of John McCain winning enough delegates to clinch the Republican nomination. Of course, we have inserted some remarks of our own in italics for your reading pleasure.

“The Nevada Republican Party congratulates John McCain for attaining enough convention delegates yesterday to become the 2008 Republican presidential nominee. His come-from-behind victory is truly remarkable and historic.

Yeah, Sue, we’re not totally sure if “historic” is the adjective you want to use anywhere near McCain…

“It’s now time for Republicans to unite behind our party’s standard-bearer in what will surely be a classic barn-burner contest of liberal vs. conservative governing ideologies against what is now likely to be an Obama/Clinton ticket. But before setting our sites on The O/C, I want to take this opportunity to thank and congratulate all of the Republican candidates who competed in this hard-fought primary race, including Jim Gilmore, Tommy Thompson, Sam Brownback, Fred Thompson, Rudy Guiliani, Mike Hucklebee and Mitt Romney.

We totally get it! “The O/C.” It’s Obama/Clinton. Get it? But it’s ALSO the name of a now-canceled TV show that was popular for about 10 minutes two years ago, The O.C. That was about Orange County, where we grew up. Huntington Beach, recognize! There are a lot of Republicans there. It’s one of the top SITES in the country for Republicans, in fact. We often set our SIGHTS on going back there.

Oh, and thanks for the walk down memory lane! We totally forgot about Gilmore. You know what Lowden could have done there? A Gilmore Girls reference. You know, since she’s funny that way.

“I also want to thank Reps. Tom Tancredo and Duncan Hunter, whose campaigns helped focus the nation on the very serious issue of illegal immigration. And Rep. Ron Paul, whose campaign has inspired a passionate, new generation of Goldwateresque limited-government conservatives.

If there’s anything Republicans DON’T like, it’s Paul. He even faced a primary challenge back home in Texas. Why? Because he reminds the War Party that it’s wrong to wage war. They HATE that.

“Regardless of which Republican each of us may have supported in the primary, it’s now time to move on to the next stage in the presidential selection process. And despite whatever disagreements we may have had with each other in the primary, Republicans now must unite in opposing Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or any combination of the two.

“Trusting either or both of them to lead this nation in these perilous times would be like walking unarmed down a dark alley in a high-crime neighborhood in the middle of the night. And when that phone rings at three o’clock in the morning, we better pray it’s John McCain and not Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton…or even worse, Bill Clinton…answering it. Let the games begin.”

See? Told you they love war? And guns. Always with the guns.

As if all the other initiatives out there weren’t enough, there’s a new one that’s really going to blow your mind. And by “blow your mind,” of course, we mean “induce a giant yawn.” But pay attention anyway, as this one has legs: Any initiative that calls for a tax increase would require a two-thirds supermajority vote of the public, the same way any vote in the Legislature to raise taxes needs two-thirds.

You know, because that two-thirds thing has worked out so well in Carson City. It’s the brainchild of then-Assemblyman Jim Gibbons. But we tend to think this one has the fingerprints of one Sheldon Adelson, chairman of Las Vegas Sands.

Here’s the release, sent out just moments ago from Steve Martin, a former Nevada state controller:

(Carson City, NV) – Today, former Nevada State Controller Steve Martin filed a ballot initiative with Secretary of State Ross Miller’s office hat will require a 2/3 supermajority vote of the public for passage on allot initiatives that seek to raise taxes. Currently, ballot easures that seek to raise taxes only require a simple majority vote
in order to pass. The Gibbons Tax Restraint Amendment to the Nevada constitution – which passed with overwhelming support in both the 1994 nd 1996 general elections – requires a supermajority vote of the Legislature in order for lawmakers to pass tax increases. This measure seeks to apply the same standard to the initiative process.

“Taxpayers have been protected for more than a decade by the Gibbons Tax Restraint Amendment. The 2/3rds requirement in the State Legislature forces those promoting tax increases to make a stronger case to our elected leaders that a tax increase is necessary. This initiative would give the voters the same level of security.” stated
former Nevada State Controller Steve Martin.

“Unfortunately, special interest groups are now trying to circumvent the legislature’s two-thirds requirement by placing massive tax increases on the ballot, where they only need a simple majority vote” continued Martin. “The Nevada Taxpayers’ Protection Act will apply the same supermajority requirements to all tax increase proposals, further
protecting Nevada taxpayers and the economic viability of our State.”

“Raising taxes in Nevada should never be the easy way out. Establishing criteria for the uses and needs of the additional revenue should always be important criteria before raising any tax,” Martin continued. “It simply is not right for special interest groups to come to Nevada, place tax increases on our ballot, run a slick campaign to
pass them, and stick our residents and businesses paying the bill. Requiring two-thirds of voters to approve any tax increase will help our state continue to grow, create new jobs and provide a better quality of life for today and tomorrow”.

Nice. We have become California, without the beautiful beaches, delicious wineries, cultural diversity, computer innovators or Hollywood.

We just received some troubling information from a source with connections to the post office — information that compounds even further the dangerously penny-pinching ways of the officials at the now-shuttered Endoscopy Center of Nevada.

According to the source, the 40,000 notification letters urging clients to get tested for HIV and hepatitis strains B and C were sent by the Southern Nevada Health District using standard mail — also known as bulk mail or standard mail. It’s cheaper to send than first-class mail.

According to the U.S. Postal Service website, a piece of bulk mail can be specially endorsed so it’s forwarded if the intended recipient has moved. It can also be endorsed to instruct the postal carrier to discard the mail if the intended recipient has moved.

According to the source, the letters have no special marks at all. A look at the one of the letters being sent out by the health district seems to confirm this:

Just your everyday, life-or-death junk mail.

However, district spokesperson Stephanie Bethel says the letters have been coded to be returned to the health district if the addressees have since moved. She also says the district to used the postal service’s National Change of Address database to better ensure letters reached the right people. “The letters are not being discarded, which is the important thing,” she says.

But that assertion is contradicted by at least three mail carriers, who have said the plain-looking letters are considered “unendorsed bulk mail.” If the intended recipient isn’t at the listed address, the mail carriers have no choice but to discard the mail in a recycle bin. They say the only way they could return such mail to the health district is to hand-deliver it back. The source also said mail carriers who handled the letters expressed surprise that the mailings didn’t have forwarding instructions or even a mark of “urgent” or “important.”

Either way, surely Southern Nevada’s transient population is only going to complicate the information campaign.

Democrats had a news conference today to announce the appointment of the well-respected state Sen. Terry Care as Clark County’s very own Official Jimmy Carter Election Monitor. So, you know, that should fix all the problems of a do-over county Democratic convention slated for April 12.

Still, we thought it was amusing that somebody had hoisted the Nevada flag upside down in front the Thomas & Mack Center, where the news conference was held. That is generally regarded as a sign of distress. (Maybe some college types angry at Gov. Jim Gibbons for those budget cuts?)

But it was all smiles and cooperation as anxious Democrats tried to smooth over Feb. 23’s Clusterfuck Convention and prepare everybody for April 12, the date selected for Clark County Democratic Party Convention II: Revenge of the Clusterfuck.

Somehow, we think the current (as of this writing) chairman of the county party has been humbled by the metric tons of criticism heaped upon him by pretty much everybody except the Republicans since Feb. 23 went horribly awry. He apologized again, and this time didn’t try to weasel out of it by once again angrily blaming the Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama campaigns or pretending that “it’s all good.”

“I want to apologize to all Democrats who were inconvenienced or frustrated,” said He Who Shall Not Be Named. (We call him that ever since a source told us he loves seeing his name in print or hearing it uttered on TV. We’re not enablers!)

At least, that’s what we think he said. The news conference was constantly interrupted by aircraft taking off from McCarran’s Runway One-Niner Right, so it was hard to hear sometimes.

As a result of the negotiations between the campaigns, the county party and the state party (which has been tasked by the Democratic National Committee to “fix it”), an executive committee has been appointed. Members are: He Who Shall Not Be Named; state party Chairman Sam Lieberman; state Sen. Steven Horsford, representing the Obama campaign; Clark County Commission Chairman Rory Reid, representing the Clinton campaign, and Care, introduced as the “third party administrator.” He will have the job of arbitrating disputes between the parties.

The fact that the convention has to essentially be turned over to a third-party administrator is a statement in itself that the existing leadership totally screwed the political pooch Feb. 23, and could not be trusted to run things smoothly April 12. But it seems like the best way to restore confidence in the process, and avoid a potential riot.

Currently, volunteers from the state party, the county party, and the two conventions are sorting through records to identify duly elected delegates, who will receive their credentials and instructions on April 1. (Oh, my God! April 1! As if this thing hasn’t been enough of a joke!) The April 12 gathering will be held at the Thomas & Mack, and voting will take place starting at 8 a.m. and continuing until 7 p.m., allowing shift workers and the totally lazy to cast their votes.

All we can say is this: We really hope the county party goes the extra mile and has the beer concessions open that day. Because it took three Scotches for us to wash off the residue of the last convention. We prefer the fine taste of Gordon Biersch, if you’re listening, county party.

Speaking of that, He Who Shall Not Be Named says the county party will bear the majority of the costs of the second convention, but may ask the state party or the campaigns to pitch in. Nobody will be asked to pay a registration fee at the second convention. And he’s negotiating to get the Thomas & Mack at cost.

“Again, I want to assure Democrats this will be an entirely different experience than the one of Feb. 23,” He said, apologizing again for failing to foresee the easily foreseeable problems of that day. Aw, gee, with everybody so happy and coming together Obama-style, we almost feel sorry for the guy. Almost sorry enough to use his name, maybe just once.

Almost.

[Imagine ''Deliverance'' banjo riff presaging horrific butt-rape]

Perhaps only in the irony-rich world of Gov. Jim Gibbons would an anti-guvmint crusader be handily appointed to a guvmint post.

Indeed, indeed: On Monday, rancher Tony Lesperance took over as head of the state Agriculture Department. Let’s brush aside for a moment the question of whether we should be doing much crop-growing and cow-raising in a drought-gripped desert in a troubling era of global warming, a desert where the closest thing we have to any sort of agricultural claim to fame might be that we produce about 4 percent of the nation’s onion crop. We actually do produce a fair amount of coin off our homegrown meat and veg — about half a billion dollars annually, at last count.

In light of that, let’s all express our sincerest hope that Mr. Lesperance brings to this important post the same level of calm professionalism and assured sense of diplomacy that marked his tenure as an Elko County commissioner.

How do we torture? Let us count the ways: 20-hour interrogations, waterboarding and really, really bad music.

Do the soldiers who blast away at detainees at Gitmo (and elsewhere) with their “kick-ass” mix CDs see the irony in their choice for Track No. 19? (H/t to Mother Jones.)

Anybody who knows former Clark County Commissioner Lynette Boggs knows she’s a woman of faith. (She once sent a fellow elected official “into the fire” for daring to challenge her on a political matter, and then tossed a handy epithet our way when we mentioned the incident at a roast.)

Well, Boggs has undergone her own trial by fire, by which we mean an actual trial in the Eighth Judicial District Court, in and for the county of Clark. (Cue Dragnet music, for those old enough to remember that wonderful show.)

It turns out that Boggs needs money for that trial, in which she faces charges of living at a home outside her commission district, and lying about it on forms signed under penalty of perjury. (Additional charges that she improperly paid her nanny with campaign funds were rightly tossed out by Judge Donald Mosley.)

And since her arraignment judge denied her a taxpayer-financed attorney, Boggs has to turn elsewhere for the green. (What would Jesus do? Well, this one time, his disciples told him that they needed money for taxes, and he told them to go fishing, which they did, and then they caught this fish with coins in its mouth and they totally paid their taxes!)

For Boggs, however, there’s a more conventional approach. An e-mail is going around announcing a fundraiser for her. Here’s the text:

Stand up for Justice; Stand up for a friend!

Lynette Boggs is being wrongly persecuted and charged with felonies.

These charges and the trial have created a great need in Lynette’s life:
A need for a good Lawyer (which she has,) and the need for the money to pay him, not to mention the need for the support of friends to stand up for this Lady of honor and honesty, a Lady who has worked for many years to represent the people of this city.

A few of her friends have joined together to show their support by holding a fundraiser.
“Highway To Heaven” ; which will be held on Friday evening, March 14, at
Holy Trinity A.M.E. Church at 7pm.

We look forward for your support and presents. Please see attach flier for details.

…

Thank you in advance for your help.

We think the author may have meant to say “we look forward to your support and presence,” but who can really say? This is a fundraising solictation, after all.

Now, we’ve known Boggs for years, and we can tell you that she’s one of the most hard-charging, unapologetically brazen politicians ever. It’s one of the reasons we like her, even if we’re pretty convinced that this “Lady of honor and honesty” did fib on her campaign finance documents. Let’s be honest: But for an intensive investigation sponsored by the Culinary Union Local 226 and the Police Protective Association — both unions angry at her for political reasons — she’d probably never have been “persecuted” for anything.

So, does that justify portraying her as a godly woman beset by forces of iniquity, which in this case means the district attorney’s office? Well, no, of course not. But that doesn’t mean that Boggs is going to be shy about sending prosecutors into the fire, either. Watch out, prosecutors!

Was it just us, or did that Review-Journal editorial on the single-subject law make any sense to anybody?

(If you don’t know, the Legislature passed a law in 2005 that says initiative petitions must be limited to a single subject. It was a reaction to a pair of trial-lawyer sponsored initiatives in 2004 that claimed to be fighting high aut0-insurance rates and frivilous lawsuits, but really would have erased medical malpractice liability caps.)

The R-J rightly denounced the trial-lawyer ploy — which, by the way, voters saw through and rejected at the polls. And it rightly denounced the fact that the state Supreme Court has used the single-subject rule to creatively edit some initiatives, including one filed by attorney Kermitt Waters focused on eminent domain reforms. The net effect was to water down that initiative.
So now, Waters has a petition to repeal the single-subject law, which this time around has torpedoed at least three petitions aimed at raising the gambling tax. (Two of those were authored by Waters; a second try by the Nevada State Education Association is in the pipeline.)

Alas, the R-J says no. “Mr. Waters is right to be suspicious. But the solution is not to throw out the wise ’single subject’ reform, entirely. Instead, the Legislature must promptly clarify the limited intent of the statute, making it clear the judges — whether through stupidity or in service to ulterior motives — have gotten it wrong.”

Excuse us, the Legislature? State lawmakers are among the biggest opponents of the direct democracy afforded by the initiative petition process. (They hate the competition.) And their members are lousy with those who have a direct conflict of interest, in that they do the bidding of big business (like casinos or banks) that want to make passing an initiative as difficult as possible, so that only they can do it.

Casino moguls like Sheldon Adelson, for example, can afford to hire signature gatherers and overcome procedural roadblocks for his petition to try to divert convention authority money. But regular people (say, those who want to legalize marijuana, raise the gambling tax or impose a business income tax) are put at a decided disadvantage.

Now, we at Various Things & Stuff don’t generally support government by initiative, since so many things can go wrong. Witness the chaos that’s been created by the anti-smoking Nevada Clean Indoor Air Act. But sometimes, when the Legislature has ignored the people (as they did with anti-smoking advocates, for years) it’s the only way to get something done.

The single-subject law has been interpreted in a way that makes circulating all but the most basic initiatives impossible. It’s a choke point for democracy, and, let’s be honest, it was intended to be. The voters have shown they can root out the good from the bad, and aren’t likely to be dissuaded by shiny trinkets. It’s time to get rid of the single-subject law.

So, Mr. Waters, where can we sign your repeal petition?

Republicans have their nominee, people! It’s the lobbyist-loving, war-voting, Baghdad-market-shopping-with-Apache-cover U.S. Sen. John McCain! Before we move on, a couple quick things:

• Since the only other Republican candidate left in the race, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, made his campaign all about God, even going so far as to suggest changing the Constitution so it conforms to God’s standards, how the hell did he lose?
• Possible answers: a.) There is no God, so there was obviously no divine help; b.) There is a God, but he’s disinterested or disinclined to intervene in human affairs; c.) There is a God, he is inclined to intervene in human affairs, but he, like many others, thinks Mike Huckabee is one crazy-ass motherfucker.
• (We’re going with “c,” by the way.)
• Thank God, however, that Huckabee has promised to endorse McCain. McCain’s gathering up all the religious support he can get. We heard the guy was superstitious.
• We heard McCain in a clip on KNPR-FM 88.9 this morning, and he said a test for the next president is who will bring the war to a conclusion most swiftly without allowing the place to descend into chaos. (He probably meant descend further into chaos.)
• Does that mean he’s backing off his remark that the war could last for 100, 1,000 or 10,000 years? Oh, senator, not another flip-flop.

Over on the Democratic side, things were not so clear. Hillary Clinton ended Barack Obama’s winning streak by taking the states of Ohio, Texas and Rhode Island. They are still nearly equal in delegate counts, and even the big states didn’t change the math much. But any thought the New York senator had of abandoning the race is certainly gone today.

What did it? Was it the media blitz, with Clinton appearing (twice!) on Saturday Night Live, the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and 60 Minutes? She’s certainly been way more accessible recently.

Or was it that infamous “3 a.m. phone call” ad? That’s a variation of the line she’s been using since the beginning of the race, which is that she’s experienced and able to handle a crisis like that and he’s not. (What evidence is there to that effect? None. But that’s beside the point.)

We tend to agree with former President Bill Clinton, reciting one of Clinton’s Laws of Politics: If one candidate appeals to your fears, and another to your hopes, go with the hope. That seems reasonable to us.

Then again, we heard a commentator on MSNBC last night say the contest might go all the way to Puerto Rico on June 7. Didn’t former President Clinton once pardon some Puerto Rican separatists in a controversial move that resulted in cries for reform? Do you think he foresaw all of this, and acted way back when to ensure he’d sleep in the White House once again? Man, that guy is good!

On to more primaries. Here’s the calendar of upcoming contests, so you can set your TiVo.