Anyway, we were interested on Sunday to read his report about the happenings on KVVU Fox 5 on Friday, when news broke that the roof … the roof … the roof of the Monte Carlo was on fire. Anchor Monica Jackson apparently reported there were people up on the roof, even after Clark County authorities said that wasn’t the case. (Full disclosure: A long, long time ago, we used to do regular political updates for Channel 5, although we haven’t appeared on the air there in years.)

Notably, other media types were slamming Fox’s coverage, including inestimable KLAS Channel 8 anchor Gary Waddell and KXNT-AM 840 radio host Casey Hendrickson.

Now, we must admit, we didn’t see Fox 5’s coverage; we learned about the fire from CNN.

Anyway, in today’s paper, Fox 5 General Manager Holly Steuart defended Jackson’s coverage thusly: "On the contrary: I applaud her [Jackson's] outstanding performance during a very fluid breaking news situation. Our reporting of workers on the roof was sourced on reports coming from our network, Fox News, and Monica attributed the information correctly."

Um, yeah. See, the thing is, Jackson’s attribution wasn’t in question. Her accuracy was. You can attribute information properly and still be wrong. For example, what if we said this: "Fox 5 totally sucks when it comes to getting facts about breaking news stories right, sources say." Would Ms. Steuart be OK with that, since we properly attributed the comment to "sources"? Or would she be pissed off, since she’d argue with the substance of our allegation?

Anyway, we think we see what the problem here was: Jackson was relying on Fox News for the story. And Fox News is so busy being fair and balanced, it hardly has time to, you know, report news. We’re sure the correspondents were so busy trying to figure out if the fire could be blamed on Democrats or Bill Clinton’s penis, they didn’t have the time to look at real-time footage of the Monte Carlo’s roof and see there were no people up on it.

Now, we can understand any confusion you might have, since it’s only natural to assume that Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi might turn to us to help them respond to what’s sure to be a lametastic final State of the Union speech proffered by the worst president in the history of the aforementioned union. We’ve been a pretty articulate, persistent and damning critic of President George W. Bush for some time now.

Alas, the "Sebelius" referred to in the news release is not us. It’s Gov. Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas, who we’re glad to say is a Democrat. Unfortunately, she’s only a Sebelius by marriage, but that’s good enough for us. Go, governor, go!

And while we’re going to be sure to offer our own take on the State of the Union speech, it seems Reid, Pelosi and the good governor will have to get along without us.

We hope that clears things up.

Anyway, those super-geniuses over at the FCC have proposed fining a bunch of television stations for a 2003 episode of NYPD Blue, in which a woman’s nude buttocks were seen. Oh, my hell! Nude buttocks! The world has come to an end.

Except it hasn’t. This happened back in 2003, and it seems the world has been going along just fine for five years without the intervention of government censors. Hell, NYPD Blue isn’t even on anymore! (We totally miss it; it was a great show.)

Anyway, check out this actual line from Pages 4-5 of the FCC complaint: "As an initial matter, we find that the programming at issue is within the scope of our indecency definition because it depicts sexual organs and excretory organs — specifically an adult woman’s buttocks."

OK, now follow us on this: We know the buttocks are not an excretory organ, because we looked it up in our anatomy textbook from high school. The excretory organ would actually be the anus. That’s not indecent, by the way. It’s science.

Which means the FCC thinks the buttocks must be sexual organs. Damn, those FCC bastards are freaks, yo!

Anyway, we were confused about the whole thing, since showing buttocks after 10 p.m. is more or less OK. And we know from our long fan following of NYPD Blue that the show aired at 10 p.m., so what’s the deal?

Central and Mountain time zones, baby. The heartland. Real America, as the Republicans call it. There, the show aired at 9 p.m., and that changes the dynamic where buttocks are concerned. Apparently, "the commission received numerous complaints alleging that certain affiliates of ABC and ABC owned-and-operated stations, as listed in the Attachment, broadcast indecent material during the February 25, 2003 episode of the ABC program NYPD Blue at 9:00 p.m. in the Central and Mountain Standard Time Zones," says the complaint.