We caught some of the Republican presidential debate on Wednesday before dashing out for dinner, and we’re a little confused. It seems U.S. Sen. John McCain (he’s the old one) was lambasting former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney (the good looking, deep-voiced one) because Romney allegedly wanted to abandon the war effort before we were in Iraq for 100 years, or something. McCain kept bringing up an old Romney quote that said we should have timetables, but which never indicated what should happen in those timetables, i.e. getting out of Iraq.

Oh, no, Romney assured McCain and the good Republicans in the audience. I’m for staying in Iraq forever, too! Republicans seemed to like him, and boo McCain for what even we think is a stretch attack against Romney. And we think Romney is a complete horse’s ass! How bad, how desperate, does your campaign have to get that you have to make up shit about Romney? There’s tons of actual shit to use against him! Why, he’s flip-flopped so often, we think he used to be black!

Anyway, when the old one and the good-looking one finally shut up, the real one spoke up: U.S. Rep. Ron Paul laughed at the debate and said they were both for the war, which is too bad, since the war is unconstitutional! Bam! Now that’s some good old-fashioned debating, people! We know Paul has some issues, but damn, he’s hands down our very favorite Republican, you know? (And we’ve got to say, not wanting to blow a lot of people up overseas makes him at once the best, and the worst, War Party representative we know.)

Oh, the churchy one was there, too, and he said some stuff.

Anyway, we read the blogs and see that the old one is now the front-runner? That he got lots and lots of endorsements? That he might be the next president? Seriously? The "bomb Iran" guy? Say it isn’t so, Republicans! Yes, we know you’ve got shit to choose from, but c’mon! Paul is clearly better than any of the rest! Nominate him, why don’t you?

If you check out this week’s CityLife (and of course you should do that every week), you’ll learn some sad, depressing news: MGM Mirage has decided to close The Reading Room bookstore inside the Mandalay Place mall.

There may yet be some good news: Schaeffer isn’t done with casino development yet: His next project is the Fontainebleau. Perhaps we’ll see The Reading Room there? If so, we know where we’ll be going when the irrational urge to visit the Strip strikes us.

It seems the idea broached by Gov. Jim Gibbons in the Review-Journal Tuesday to reverse the state’s now-infamous 1981 tax shift has got legs; we saw it being debated by Las Vegas Gleaner blogger and CityLife columnist Hugh Jackson and conservative activist Chuck Muth on Face to Face with Jon Ralston on Tuesday.

If it seems a complex idea for Gibbons, rest assured, it’s not his own. Molly Ball’s story makes it clear state Senate Majority Leader Bill Raggio and state Sen. Bob Beers are behind it. (Read the link above as Ball educates the governor as to the difference between a "caucus" and a "primary," as well as reports some truly odd remarks the governor made about the Monte Carlo fire and the potential for a car bomb in Elko.)

But let’s be honest: Shifting more property tax money to the state — rather than just relying on sales and gambling taxes to run the majority of the Nevada general fund — is an intriguing idea worth debating.

Let’s dispense, however, with this notion that no money from Clark County would be used to subsidize services in, say, Lander County. Once money goes into state coffers, its fungible, and nobody can truly say it’s going only for state services in Clark County. Moreover, some rural counties that already can’t make a go of things because of a tiny or insufficient property tax base are going to need even more help if this plan is applied statewide. So perhaps money from Clark County should go to help rural areas. We’re one Nevada, right, governor?

And, we may as well also dispense with the governor’s other remark: "I’m trying to be optimistic, hopefully, that a lot of the growth that we’re seeing in the commercial sector, especially down here in Las Vegas, is going to mitigate the bottom of this bathtub in terms of the economy." Apparently, the governor is now just stringing random words together. "Perhaps we need to explore the refrigerator and option our resources to water heater our economy, given the solar panel that’s dropped into our laps with respect to the interest rates and floor tile foreclosures," the governor said later. (Not really. Italics is our way of creating a dream sequence.)

But we find ourselves saying — and not for the first time — that we agree with Jackson: Shifting property taxes to the state would not solve any problem (it may, in fact, create more serious ones). All this would do is give state government a bit more stability while robbing the same from local governments.

What really needs to happen here are two things: First, we really do need a harsh top-to-bottom review of state spending, so as to curtail unnecessary programs. Former Gov. Kenny Guinn did this in his first term, but things are even more serious now. A panel looking at these things would ask itself, for example, if each expenditure in the state is more or less important than helping people with traumatic brain injuries or children with autism, two groups callously cut by Gibbons proposed cuts. If no, toss it.

But, second, no matter how much cutting is done, only the ignorant or the philosophically impaired would argue there is no need for new (and more stable) revenue. That’s something Gibbons will never give in on, and so we need people who are willing to directly challenge him on that point, which will take courage. The anti-tax argument is always easier, simpler and more accessible, at least until you think about it for more than 10 seconds.

Shift revenues? It may ultimately make sense. But only as part of a broader package outlined above. Is anybody ready to do that?

First off, let us say that yes, we are distantly related somehow to the governor of Kansas, Kathleen Sebelius, who delivered the Democratic response to President George W. Bush’s final State of the Union speech. We’re not sure exactly how. But we want to make it clear that we did not write her remarks or coach her on the delivery. If we had, she would have said some things more along these lines:

¶ Noting that some people say they want to pay more in taxes, the president joked, "I’m pleased to announce the IRS accepts both checks and money orders." Ha! The president is so funny! He should totally be a stand-up comedian when his turn as the Worst President in History comes to an end next year.

The thing is, behind that joke is a twisted philosophy: Only suckers want to support the common good. The rest of us are just trying to grab as much as we can. It tells us a lot about this president, his supporters and his policies.

¶ "American families have to balance their budgets. So should their government," Bush said. Ah, yes, the old, "run the government like the family budget" line. But whose family decides to go to war based on entirely false pretenses, and then puts the whole damn thing on the credit card? Whose family runs better when its overall income is reduced (i.e., the tax cuts that Bush wants to be made permanent)? And whose family gives a higher allowance to its college-educated kids who have high-paying jobs (tax credits to big companies) while cutting the allowance for little Johnny, who has trouble working because of his asthma?

Sorry, Mr. President, but that’s a pretty fucked-up family, if you ask us. Plus, this president hasn’t submitted a balanced budget yet.

¶ We need scholarships for kids to attend faith-based and other non-public schools. You know, because public schools are failing. There are a lot of reasons that public schools don’t do better, but cutting their budgets (sound familiar?), reducing their enrollment (which further reduces the funds they get) and underpaying their teachers is sure as hell not the way to start fixing things. And subsidizing religious education is most definitely not the role of constitutional government.

¶ We’ve got to invest in coal power that captures carbon emissions, the president said. That’s a little like saying we’ve got to invest in dilithium crystals to run our warp engines, since the coal industry itself says so-called "clean coal" technology that captures all emissions doesn’t exist yet, and will be expensive to obtain. Luckily, the president had another alternative: Emission-free nuclear power. And yes, nuke power is emission free, until there’s an accident. Then the "emissions" make CO2 look like Mike & Ike’s.

¶ Let’s fund research into using adult skin cells as stem cells (instead of using the abundant stem cells that we already have that are only going to be discarded anyway). That’s the equivalent of saying we shouldn’t use the metal ladder in the garage to stand on while we paint the living room ceiling. Instead, we should take wood shop classes, build a brand-new wooden ladder, and use that to stand on. Meanwhile, the living room ceiling goes unpainted and people are dying of terrible diseases!

¶ Bush did back off his call to privatize Social Security the way he still wants to privatize education. Now, he wants Congress to provide its solution. But if that solution is to eliminate the ceiling on wage taxes for Social Security, he’ll veto the bill. So, we suppose he doesn’t really want to hear all the solutions to fixing Social Security. Ass.

¶ Terrorists "hate every principle of liberty that we hold dear," Bush said. Well, c’mon, now, Mr. President! We do have some things in common with terrorists. For example, torture. They like to torture people almost as much as the people who torture on behalf of the United States. And kidnapping. They do it, we do it. Starting conflicts that kill innocent bystanders. That’s another one. And since we’re on the good side of the "defining intellectual struggle of our time," torture, kidnapping, and collateral damage must be "principles of liberty," no?

¶ If we don’t pass the bill that allows the government to eavesdrop on Americans without a warrant and legally forgive private sector companies that violated Americans’ Fourth Amendment rights, the terrorists will win. Whatever. The deadline is Friday, by the way. Here’s hoping Congress blows it.

¶ America opposes the genocide in the Sudan, Bush said. And that’ all he said. One line. Sure, we oppose it. But not enough that we’ll, say, stop it. And why would we? Is there oil there? Is Israel nearby? Did the president try to kill George H.W. Bush? Are white people suffering? No? Well, we’ll give it a line in a speech and move on.

¶ Oh, by the way, the best line in Gov. Sebelius’ response was this: "We’re tired of leaders who rather than ask what we can do for our country, ask nothing at all." It’s good talking! But it’s not true, as comedian Bill Maher pointed out long ago: The government is asking for something from us. It’s asking us to surrender our civil rights, our powers of reason and our ability to decide what should happen in our country, free from fear. It’s asking for a hell of a lot. And it’s counting on us not to notice, since we’ve got a seemingly endless supply of beer, cable TV, delivery pizza and movies they mail right to your house!

Sadly, they’ve probably made a pretty good calculation.

Suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune has apparently overcome the tender sensibilities of local morning news personality Monica Jackson over at KVVU Channel 5.

Listen, we just want to use our platform in a positive manner here, and we know Jackson has a somewhat violent streak, so let us just say this: Seek help, Ms. Jackson! And seek a new morning co-anchor, Fox 5!

Oh, there’s still plenty of news nuggets left over, ready to be plopped in the deep fryer, garnished with the hot mustard of truth and enjoyed with a large Coke product. Here we go!

• This is one good reason why whoever runs against state Sen. Joe Heck is screwed.
  
• Hello, campaign flier No. 1.
  
• So, let’s get this straight: Government is bad, the private sector is good, and regulations only interfere with the free market that can solve all our problems. That’s the Review-Journal editorial page’s basic philosophy, right? So why is that page praising burdensome fire regulations imposed after the deadly 1980 MGM fire?
  
• Seriously, in the free market, wouldn’t hotels automatically install fire safety systems, both as a consequence of getting insurance or as a marketing tool to attract safety-conscious guests? Who needs The Man demanding you put in sprinklers?
  
• Apparently, Las Vegas did, since the free market rejected a $192,000 fix and 87 people died.
• Shocker! Businessmen against paying taxes, survey finds!
  
• What’s next? A survey to discover that most men dislike getting kicked in the nuts?
  
• Nope: A survey that finds regulation, taxes, competition are unpopular with local business leaders.
  
• And you thought Clark County was wasting money on parties! Las Vegas makes commissioners look like parsimonious pikers, Las Vegas Sun investigation finds.
  
• Beloved Christian church leader strongly disliked by liberals but who nonetheless oversaw a large flock of faithful during tumultuous times dies with dignity. RIP Archbishop Christodoulos of the Greek Orthodox Church. He was 69.
  
• Also, Mormon President Gordon B. Hinkley dies, at age 97.
  
• What, anti-union Sheldon Adelson’s money is no good here? Who knew? Certainly not Clark County Commissioner Lawrence Weekly, who says (literally) he didn’t get the memo.
  

If there’s one Review-Journal columnist we never miss (outside of our buddy Erin Neff, of course!) it’s Norm Clarke. Dude’s got his finger on the pulse of the celeb-u-tard community, and for some reason, we love reading about those people.

Better luck next time, Fox 5. With reporting the story, and spinning the fallout.

Some of you may have received a news release earlier today from the office of U.S. Sen. Harry Reid, titled "REID, PELOSI, SEBELIUS TO HOLD PRESS CONFERENCE CALL, PHOTO OPPORTUNITIES AHEAD OF STATE OF THE UNION."

We’re not big fans of the Federal Communications Commission, mostly because they like to exceed their authority and tell us what we can and cannot see on TV. And if there’s anything you should not screw with in America, it’s TV. (Also beer, delivery pizza and porn. So long as Americans have access to those things, they will never revolt!)

God, we hate the heartland. And this is one good reason why.

We still have trouble believing it: California’s Supreme Court has ruled that medical marijuana patients can be fired for using the drug — even though Golden State voters in 1996 legalized medical marijuana and it’s dispensed with a doctor’s order.

It seems a would-be worker for a Sacramento telecommunications company, Gary Ross, was fired after a pre-employment drug test found marijuana in his system, even though he was taking it pursuant to a doctor’s order in a program that is perfectly legal under the laws of the state. The company argued that since marijuana was illegal under federal law, it had the right to fire him. (Other companies joined in the lawsuit, arguing they might lose federal contracts if they couldn’t fire marijuana users on their staffs.)

So the state Supreme Court decided that federal law trumped the wishes of the voters? Well, sort of. If you follow the link, you’ll see the majority concluded that nothing in the state’s medical marijuana law indicates that voters intended to allow patients to keep their jobs if they test positive for the drug. That’s what’s called a "totally reasonable conclusion based on the fact that they voted to legalize marijuana in the first place." Alas, the court doesn’t recognize such awesome logic, which is why they won’t let us be on the court.

Meanwhile, you can come to work totally hopped up on powerful narcotic painkillers (you know, like Rush Limbaugh or something) and as long as you’ve got a prescription, you cannot be fired. So once again, we see the government, in effect, giving preference to drugs chemically engineered by humans in labs, while discriminating against a naturally growing plant.

Why? Because of the stupid drug war, that’s why.

If, in fact, everybody is working for the weekend, well, it’s almost here. But before you shut down that computer and head out to find a little romance, here’s a few last-minute Quick Hits!

• The Senate decided to table a bill that would give more power to the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, thus reigning in the Bush administration and Republicans who think potentially spying on Americans without warrants is just fine. A "yea" vote on this list is bad, while a "nay" vote is good. Alas, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama didn’t vote, squabbling as they are over Bill Clinton’s legacy or something.
  
• And you just know some editorial writers have gone orgasmic over the return of their favorite arch-nemesis.
  
• A soft landing for a discredited neocon hack. Hey, Madam Secretary of State, is there another job for Wolfie’s girlfriend? High salary preferred.
  
• Corrupt, bribe-proffering, politician-corrupting, perjuring asshole Don Davidson tries to dodge responsibility for his crimes by saying he shouldn’t go to jail because he does charity work and should be free to continue "helping people." That argument merely proves how badly he needs to go to prison, and he should thank God U.S. District Court Judge Roger Hunt only gave him two years.
  
• And shame on anybody who argued for leniency for Davidson.
  
• State Sen. Bob Coffin rails against Gov. Jim Gibbons‘ budget cuts, only my colleague Jon Ralston gives Coffin any credence and, at day’s end, the governor gets away with it while the legislative branch of government is measurably diminished.
  
• Oh, wait: Lawmakers did stand up for a $4.8 million transition center at the women’s jail in North Las Vegas, which Corrections Department Director Howard Skolnik said wasn’t needed. Now, the politically smart thing for Gibbons to do would be to hit lawmakers over the head with this, so he’ll probably just … no, wait, he’s doing it!
  

We’re still not clear on all the details, but according to today’s Review-Journal, Gov. Jim Gibbons issued an executive order earlier this month repealing the use of project-labor agreements on projects involving state funds.

Project-labor agreements, known in the biz as "PLAs," are collective bargaining agreements between governments and unions that stipulate all contractors will adhere to certain rules, and in exchange, unions won’t strike. They are hated by non-union contractors, the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce and, tellingly, the Review-Journal.

What the story also reveals is that state Sen. Warren Hardy asked Gibbons to consider signing the executive order, significant because Hardy’s full-time job is president of the Associated Builders and Contractors, a prime opponent of PLAs and, also, unions.

Did Hardy approach Gibbons in his role as president of the ABC? Or as a state senator? Or both? Can we really differentiate between Hardy the lawmaker and Hardy the senator? (He says he won’t seek legislation to ban PLAs, but why would he have to, having convinced the governor to end them on state-financed projects.)

And, perhaps more important, it not a conflict for Hardy to use his position in government — assuming that we can’t separate his full-time and part-time jobs — to get something that his private sector members really want?

Answer: Yes, it is a conflict, but only if he "used his position in government" to "secure … unwarranted privileges, preferences or exemptions" for his members. And with Nevada’s permissive and ethically loose culture, not to mention a somewhat feckless Ethics Commission, it’s unlikely this conflict will ever be condemned.

(Oh, lest you think we’re just beating up on the capitalists, note that we said the same thing about a public official who decided to run for the head of his union, too, as well as the senator/mining lobbyist who unconscionably remains in office to this day.)

In any case, the point of the story is that taxpayers will save money, because project labor agreements drive up the cost of construction. Put another way, it means that the state will no longer have to pay workers what they are worth and get quality construction in return; now they can lowball contractors just like they do in the private sector!

And sure, in some quarters, PLAs didn’t work or were being phased out. But they still remain an important tool to make sure workers are treated fairly, and have some say about working conditions. In other words, they tend to aggregate power in hands other than those of moneyed landowners; hence, the hatred of the Chamber of Commerce and the Review-Journal.

So if Gibbons can do this by executive order (reversing a 1994 executive order authored by former Gov. Bob Miller and in place ever since), what else can he do? What else has he done? We placed a call to his press secretary to find out what other executive orders have been issued since Gibbons became governor. We we learn more, we’ll blog it.

UPDATE: The governor’s office helpfully got back to us, providing a link to the executive order in question. The document asserts that the PLA executive order is being repealed for the sake of "open and fair competition" that doesn’t discriminate on the basis of "labor affiliation," and that doing so will "expand job opportunities, particularly for small and disadvantaged businesses, advance free competition" and "reduce construction costs and therefore save taxpayer dollars."

You know, call us cynical, but when some politicians start talking about fairness and helping disadvantaged businesses, we just can’t help thinking the true purpose is somewhere 180 degrees the other way. But that’s just us.

Is the government listening to your phone calls? Is it monitoring your Internet use? Is it watching over your shoulder right now even as you read these words?! (We sure hope so! We need all the readers we can get!)

It’s time for Quick Hits, people! Here we go!

• Oh, that’s right: If we build an airport down in Ivanpah, we need a way to get people down there, and we all know I-15 sucks. Hey, whatever happened to that superspeed, magnetic levitation train that was supposed to run between Primm and Las Vegas, at least as a demonstration project for an eventual line that connects (irony alert!) Sin City with Anaheim, home of Disneyland? That would sure be a cool way to come to town!
  
• One thing’s for sure: We know the monorail won’t do the job. Even the Review-Journal editorial page thinks that thing sucks.
  
• So U.S. Sen. Harry Reid is in the hot seat again: On the one hand, he’s got Republicans who want to renew a bill that allows the government to spy on American citizens, and to protect big phone companies because they allowed the government to spy on Americans without warrants after Sept. 11. On the other hand, he’s got Democrats who want to extend the law, but without the immunity for phone companies. (It expires next Friday.)
  
• Why, we wonder, doesn’t Reid suggest a perfectly reasonable middle course: Killing both bills, since spying on Americans without warrants is illegal under the Fourth Amendment? And then we can get to holding phone companies liable for violating the Fourth Amendment, which is perfectly reasonable.
  
• Oh, that’s right: Reid voted for the Patriot Act.
  
• Meanwhile, Vice President Dick Cheney told the Heritage Foundation that we need the law — and the immunity — to stop terrorism. And if there’s one thing we know about terrorism-related talk from Cheney, it’s that he’s almost always wrong, or lying, or both. Another great reason for Reid to stand up and let the damn law expire.
  
• The White House and Congress are close to a deal that would see taxpayers get a rebate check from the government. Oh, yes, by all means, with oceans of red ink flowing in Washington, let’s most definitely pursue an idea first proposed by Nevada state Sen. Bob Beers. You know, because it’s worked wonders for Nevada.
  
• Speaking of our economic dire straits, state Sen. Bob Coffin wants to sue Gov. Jim Gibbons over Gibbons’ proposed budget cuts. State Sen. Randolph Townsend says no, and that the law allows for the cuts. We see where Coffin is coming from, and we hate Gibbons’ cuts as much as the next crazy liberal blogger, but we have to agree with Townsend here: Gibbons can legally do what he’s doing.
  
• And that’s why it was so important to elect somebody other than Jim Gibbons to office when we have these election things. Get it now, Nevada?

Look, people, we like KVBC Channel 3. We really do. Sure, it’s an NBC affiliate, and NBC canceled Journeyman, and will probably cancel Bionic Woman after those last five episodes in the network’s original 13-episode order are shot. But that’s network, and we all know network is run by assholes who like to field good shows and then cancel them, just to spite us. God, we hate network!

But what is up with the station’s latest promotion, known as "WOFY"? (It stands for "watching out for you," which is actually a longtime Channel 3 slogan.) The station bought billboards and bumper stickers and … what? rock formations??? … in order to promote WOFY. And recently, the enduring mystery was solved with a news release that announced WOFY is KVBC!

We’re sure glad that’s over. Now we can go back to solving our beloved Wonderword puzzles. (Seriously, check them out here. They’re cool.)

Anyway, like we said, we like Channel 3. We’ve got friends who work there. But really, WOFY makes us ask WTF?

First, is Channel 3 really watching out for us? Sure, they run editorials noting that the rabidly anti-tax Review-Journal doesn’t even pay sales taxes on selling or making the daily newspaper. That’s fun. But if they were really looking out for us, wouldn’t they put Jeopardy on in prime-time when we have time to watch?

Second, how do you even pronounce WOFY? Is it WOOF-IE? WHOA-FIE? What? (We only ask because astute observers say station personalities have pronounced it differently since the campaign began.) And the fact that station personalities have to pronounce it at all tells us it’s definitely time for a union over at Channel 3. 

But maybe we’re wrong about this. After all, some marketing genius at Channel 3 thinks this is going to work at getting viewers. Maybe we at Various Things & Stuff should try to create a clever acronym to promote ourselves and get more readers (and by "more" we of course mean "some." Or "any." Or "seriously, we’ll pay you to read this blog!!!")

How about this? "We’re HUNGRY!" (That could stand for HUmerous Nonsense that Grates on Republican Yuppies!") Or maybe "We’re WAY COOL!" (That’s "Wary of Yankees who Come Out Of Limos!")

Wait, they have to make sense? OK, well, you didn’t tell us that. If you’re going to have rules and whatnot. Well, in that case, how about this:

"We’re BORED!" That means Bring On Republicans Eating Democrats! Because without a caucus, and with the election so far away, what’s there to write about! C’mon, people! Do something political! 

Oh, the post-caucus lull: It’s like eating a The Bobbie sandwich from Capriotti’s and then sitting back to nap, isn’t it? Let’s go light with a few Quick Hits. Here we go!

• Despite doing his very best to excel at all the things Republicans love — hating gay people, embracing religion in the public square, golf — poor U.S. Sen. John Ensign has failed to make this early Washington Post list of potential vice presidential candidates. What’s South Carolina’s Dakota’s John Thune got that our pretty boy doesn’t, we ask?
  
• Speaking of Republicans, in case you hadn’t heard yet, Fred Thompson has dropped out of the race for president. And here Jack McCoy has already redecorated the D.A.’s digs into a "working office." Oh, well.
  
• So that’s why former President Bill Clinton is campaigning so vigorously for his wife! We thought there was something desperate about his style.
  
• You know, we weren’t actually at the Democratic presidential debate (and we had to choose between taping that or TruTV’s Ocean Force: Huntington Beach, OC, which clearly won out) but it seems to us that John Edwards really does represent the grown-up wing of the Democratic Party. That’s probably why he’s not winning.
  
• Before the caucus: Hillary Clinton v. Barack Obama. After the caucus: Pundits who complain about the caucus v. pundits who say you shouldn’t complain about the caucus.
  
• The campaign to justify the Review-Journal’s pre-caucus poll numbers, while at the same time slamming the Reno Gazette-Journal’s poll numbers, continues. (For those who missed it, the R-J’s pollster called the winners correctly but was off by double digits on the percentages for top candidates; the Gazette-Journal called the winner wrong.)
  
• Gov. Jim Gibbons tours the Las Vegas anti-terror "fusion center," which we imagine is not as nice as the completely redundant Official Jack Bauer Anti-Terrorist Commander-in-Chief Play Set he insisted be set up in Carson City to thwart attacks against rural Nevada. Meanwhile … kids with autism? No funding for you! And there’s still not a McCarran International Airport rep on the state’s Homeland Security Commission since the governor canned the wife of a political rival.