We awoke to news that a well-off, white conservative has tremendous and far reaching influence in America, to the detriment of the country and good morals everywhere. And no, we’re not talking about the New York Times story on Rupert Murdoch!

No, we’re talking about the Washington Post’s four-part look at Vice President Dick Cheney, a shadowy figure in the administration who prefers to operate under a cloak of secrecy, influencing policy more than any other vice president in the history of America, and not in a good way. Oh, he also sleeps in a coffin. (That last part may not be true, but we’ve only read the first two installments of the series.)

What we’ve learned: Cheney, with little regard for domestic or international law, spearheaded programs like warantless wiretapping and torture of suspects captured in the war on terror, an agenda that has been refuted by the courts but subtly inserted into law and policy. Oh, and the fact that Cheney operates in almost total secrecy, refusing even to report what documents he’s classifying (including statements to be delivered to the press) because he claims he’s not part of the executive branch. Seriously, it’s so bad, even the Review-Journal gave him a gentle slap.

It’s well worth a read, and it lends plenty of credence to the efforts of Democratic Rep. Dennis Kucinich to impeach Cheney. Then again, Kucinich also wants to create a Department of Peace, so there’s that.

But wait, there’s more! A roundup of other stuff we’ve collected over the weekend:

» We got a curious e-mail from a public relations representative of the Henderson Chamber of Commerce today, insisting that "The Henderson Chamber of Commerce has remained an influential factor in Carson City by continuing to focus on issues relevant to Henderson businesses."

Really? Because we spent a few days up in Carson City, and we don’t remember the Henderson Chamber being influential at all. Maybe it was one of those behind-the-scenes things? (Seriously, we had to look up who their lobbyists were, and aside from veteran Renny Ashleman and Police Chief Richard Perkins, we didn’t notice any of them plying the halls or shouting out on bills.

[UPDATE: As if to further underscore our point, the city of Henderson wrote in this afternoon with a correction! Ashleman and Perkins were lobbyists for the city, not the chamber. And there is a difference, apparently. It turns out that Terry Graves is the chamber's lone lobbyist, although a network of volunteers discusses the issues regularly. That must explain the stunning successes listed below. Please, continue.]

"Obviously, no new taxes are a good thing for business," said Charles Perry, who is identified in the news release as chairman of the Henderson chamber’s legislative committee. Oh, really, Charles? Is that why your counterpart at the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce — Tim Cashman — was practically begging Gov. Jim Gibbons to show some "leadership" in getting more money to build roads? Or does Henderson already have enough roads to keep goods and customers flowing to businesses?

In the end, of course, Gibbons did show leadership: By donning a red bandana over his nose and mouth and playing stickup with the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority, Clark County and car rental companies. Whew! It’s a good thing Henderson doesn’t have any casinos that got robbed so the various chamber could boast about protecting their members from big, bad taxes. Oh, wait…

There’s more! The release goes on to tout … new taxes! It seems one of the Henderson chamber’s "successes" was snagging $3.5 million for the Nevada State College (you know where that money comes from, don’t you, Henderson chamber?) as well as "…creating a new tax district which will accelerate campus development initiatives for Nevada State College. The approved bill enables the college and the city of Henderson to develop, in close partnership, its campus in an expedited manner."

So, no new taxes are a good thing for business, when they develop a school that produces future workers? Would that then not apply to taxes for other good things, like roads, police, sewers and a court system?

And Perry is proud to announce that the Henderson chamber was vocal about transportation. "From the beginning of the session, we kept reasserting that transportation was an issue that needed to be addressed," he says in the news release.

In fact, transportation was addressed … by people other than businesses, for whom no new taxes is a good thing, unless of course they are going to Nevada State College development. But other than car rental companies (and a small portion of county property taxes) no business will be participating in the solution to the traffic problems in Southern Nevada. (Oddly, Perry says that "providing transportation funds" was one of the chamber’s accomplishments. Is the chamber renting cars on the side?)

Hey! Now that we think of it, businesses don’t really contribute (tax-wise) to many problems. Sure they pay the payroll tax. And sales tax. And property taxes. And business license/incorporation fees. But there’s no corporate income tax in Nevada, the way there is in other states. Other than the mighty casino industry, that is. They pay on income.

Maybe the chamber is influential after all?

» Speaking of victories for business that we can agree with (which is a pretty short conversation, we admit) we were glad to see that a-hole judge from Washington D.C. take it in the shorts in his $54 million lawsuit against a dry cleaners that lost his pants. Now, he may be looking at having to pay court costs for Soo Chung, who owns Custom Cleaners in the capital city with her husband.

Roy Pearson, who actually works as an administrative law judge, sued the cleaners after they lost a pair of pants that Pearson wanted taken out. (Watch out, folks: Next up, he’ll sue McDonald’s for increasing his waistline, thus necessitating his trip to the cleaners!)

Pearson argued that consumers might fall prey to signs like the ones the Chung family used to have in their store that read "Satisfaction Guaranteed." In fact, Pearson argued, his satisfaction was not guaranteed. (Although he initially demanded $1,150 to buy a new suit, he rejected offers to settle his litigation for $3,000, $4,600 and $12,000. Bet he wishes he accepted that amount now.)

Anyway, the judge’s order in the case didn’t include the one thing we at Various Things & Stuff were looking for: A directive that Pearson appear at the courthouse, pay the Chungs for their court costs and legal fees, and then be taken outside to be promptly shot.

Maybe the Republicans are right: We do need certain tort reforms.

» Experts hired by Warren Trepp to examine computers and servers used by Warren Trepp for a lawsuit involving Warren Trepp conclude that an e-mail suggesting that Warren Trepp proffered a bribe to then-U.S. Rep. Jim Gibbons were not, in fact, written by Warren Trepp, Warren Trepp’s lawyers say.

Why, that’s amazing!

» When he was a one-term lawmaker, Ron Knect had a habit of not getting a damn thing accomplished, outside of getting his name in the paper. It’s good to see that some things never change.

» What? You mean that, although the giving up of property tax dollars was discussed and approved, Clark County was sad because hardly anybody else was getting violated in the quest for transportation dollars? We’re with you, Clark County! Let’s tax all members of the Henderson Chamber for our roads!

But seriously, how ironic is it that two employees fired by former Clark County Manager Thom Reilly — Kelvin Atkinson and Kathy McClain — both of whom got their jobs back in appeals, got to vote to screw the county? Atkinson, in fact, was in charge of the bill that did it! Damn, the state’s totally ignorance of the separation of powers doctrine can be ironically funny sometimes!

» And finally today, although we at Various Things & Stuff don’t make endorsements, we totally want Republican Regent James Dean Leavitt to run against U.S. Sen. Harry Reid in 2010, as Leavitt is threatening to do. See, we want to test a theory about whether Reid could actually get more than the 61 percent of the vote he garnered back in 2004, when his opponent was gay-marriage banner Richard Ziser. With Leavitt on board, Reid could actually surpass 61, or so our theory goes. Want to test it, Republicans? Nominate Leavitt!

And we’re kind of sad to see Assembly Minority Leader Garn Mabey say he’s thinking of quitting. He wasn’t such a bad sort, after all was said and done, although that kind of talk coming from us will serve only to cement his lack of respect among the right-wing of his party. Which makes us wonder: Could the Republican Assembly caucus actually shrink? There’s only one way to find out, and we call it Assembly Minority Leader Ty Cobb! Do it, GOP. Do it! We dare you!