Yes, we know we’re late to the party on state Treasurer Kate Marshall’s wonderfully wicked news release on finding unclaimed property owned by the state of Nevada, but we just could not let it pass by without saying something.

Apparently, there’s about $118,000 in unclaimed property that belongs to various government agencies just sitting around. A total of 28 state agencies have unclaimed funds, Marshall found, which they can now reclaim.

What’s funny about this? This quote: "I am excited to be able to give back to the citizens of Nevada what rightfully belongs to them. It is amazing what little effort it takes to find this money. I’m sure that once the word gets out, citizens from around the state will start staking their claim to what is rightfully theirs."

Now, if you’re reading this blog, we know you’re smart enough to translate that. But would you be so kind as to indulge us? Here’s what we read, between those lines:

"I have no idea what former state Treasurer Brian Krolicki was doing in this office, but it sure as hell wasn’t working. We practically tripped over this unclaimed property that belongs to taxpayers, although it could have been dislodged when he tried to steal all the office furniture once his bid to keep this suite of offices was rejected. Don’t worry, Nevada: Just as we got the office furniture back from Krolicki, so we’ll get you your unclaimed property. Why? Well, it’s my job, and it’s time somebody did it."

Oh, how we love translating! And, to answer the question we raised in our translation, the man we’ve come to call Nevada’s Weasel-in-Chief was very busy working to get various firms managing programs like the state’s pre-paid tuition program to put his mug on fliers as a free way to campaign, or pimping his family for a chance to get into the newspaper.

Beautifully done, even without our translation and snarky, mean-spirited comments. We think this Kate Marshall person might have a future in politics! Oh, and by the way, if you think you have unclaimed property (whether you’re a state agency or not) click here to find out more.

Ponder this quote, if you will, from an Associated Press story on the recent meeting of the Nevada Governor’s Association: "The governors of Arizona, California, New Mexico, Oregon and Washington state agreed to develop a regional target to lower greenhouse gases and create a market-based program aimed at helping businesses reach the still-undecided goals."

OK, let’s do that list again:

Arizona (Democratic Gov. Janet Napolitano)

California (Republican Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger)

New Mexico (Democratic Gov. Bill Richardson)

Oregon (Democratic Gov. Ted Kulongoski)

Washington state (Democratic Gov. Christine Gregorie)

Hmmmm. Notice anybody missing? How about our very own Gov. Jim Gibbons? He’s not on the list of governors who signed this pact, is he?

Instead, according to a story in the Las Vegas Sun today, Gibbons announced Nevada would conduct its own study "…to determine whether global warming is harming this state." Gibbons’ energy advisor, Hatice Gecol, said the state will form a task force to look into the issue.

Now, we can understand that Gibbons has high standards of proof for things. Those high standards have helped him get out of certain scrapes in the past. So that’s why we can understand why Gibbons would reject the collective scientific wisdom of 110 other nations, who this year concluded that global warming is real and almost certainly caused by human activity. (Check out the website of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change for more.)

And, by that same token, we can understand Gibbons’ skepticism about the disproportionate effects of global warming on states like Nevada, which were helpfully collected in one place by our colleague Hugh Jackson at the Las Vegas Gleaner today.

This is, after all, the guy who thought long and hard before releasing a report that concluded volcanoes are responsible for most of the mercury that’s around, and, hey, it’s not that bad for you after all. (Certainly mines can’t be held responsible, even if higher-than-normal mercury releases have been well and truly documented at mining sites.) And just because former Vice President Al Gore’s movie about global warming — An Inconvenient Truth — won an Academy Award on Sunday, well, that’s not going to change Gibbons’ mind about anything. We know how he feels about Hollywood types. (Well, we know at least how the Alabama state auditor feels about Hollywood types; that’s who Gibbons plagiarized those remarks from.)

But the state is going to look into global warming on its own? With a task force? We were very interested to hear that, so we fired off an e-mail to Gibbons press secretary Melissa Subbotin to get the details. So far, we haven’t heard anything back, but something tells us this whole global warming task force thing was a surprise in the state capital, so we’ll cut her some slack. 

What’s not new, however, is this tactic. Gibbons has used it before. In fact, he uses it a lot when he doesn’t want to do something.

For example, there’s lots of evidence that full-day kindergarten helps kids, at least in the first few years of school. But Gibbons refused in his State of the State speech to expand the program to more schools in Nevada, saying it needs — you guessed it — more study.

After former Gov. Kenny Guinn’s blue ribbon panel on transportation submitted its report on the $3.8 billion shortfall in the state’s road-building budget, Gibbons first denied the group had suggested any way to fund the gap. Once somebody read the report and told the governor that wasn’t true, he then said he wanted another group to study the issue and come up with "creative" ways to raise money.

And another group did: His very own transition team on transportation, which came up with some ideas that dovetailed with the blue-ribbon panel. Gibbons’ response? He wants yet another task force to do yet another study.

Are we wrong to think that perhaps the governor isn’t really interested in the results of an objective study, but rather in getting a study that comes back with the right conclusion (i.e. the one he prefers)? Are we the only ones who think that even if a sterling, peer-reviewed trio of reports commissioned by Gibbons himself concluded that global warming is real and must be addressed, full-day kindergarten definitely helps kids and indexing the gas tax to inflation was the best way to build roads, the governor would still resist those ideas?

Are we alone in thinking that studying a problem is a dandy way to avoid dealing with it, even though it doesn’t actually solve a damn thing?

We hope we’re not.

We got a news release Tuesday from the Nevada Republican Assembly Caucus, announcing the group would start a podcast. We decided to check it out, since podcasting is all the rage among the young people these days.

Now, we’ve got to say up front, this podcast is a new thing for the Assembly Republicans, who apparently have time on their hands since they are in no danger of passing any bills, blocking the passage of any bills or doing anything else that resembles lawmaking during the 2007 Legislature. Except Assemblyman Ty Cobb, who made headlines for being a dick.

And while we think the very first podcast — an "interview" by the caucus’ executive director of Minority Leader Garn Mabey — was informative (Assemblywoman Francis Allen likes to fish? Who knew?!) it seemed to us to be a bit stilted. You know, as if every word spoken on the podcast had been written down in advance and carefully recited so as to avoid sounding … human.

We’re no experts — we’re looking at the big 4-0 this year, after all — but we think the young people prefer a looser and more free-flowing discussion in their podcasts. More of what our colleague Steve Friess does over on The Strip podcast, and less Iranian hostage tape. We’re just saying.

In a way, the Republicans in the lower house have an advantage. They don’t have enough members to really matter, but they also have nothing to lose. Ideas like podcasting are what they should be doing, in their role as the loyal opposition to majority Democrats. They have ideas — we’ve heard some! — so they should be aggressive about getting them out there. What’s the worst that could happen?

So, loosen up, Republicans! You’ve nothing to lose but your rep, and that might not be such a bad thing!

» Quotable:"When somebody asks us for a record, our analysis is simple. We look to see if it’s been declared to be confidential, and our answer in that instance is we have no such public record. If there is a public record, because there is no declaration of confidentiality that has come over from you [the Legislature] we hand it over." — Deputy City Attorney John Redlein, testifying on a bill that would give government agencies two days to produce public records sought under the state’s Open Records Law

We find this interesting, for two reasons: One, the city’s careful parsing of the word "public." Oh, there may be a record that meets the criteria sought in an Open Records Law request, all right. But if the city isn’t going to tell you that the record exists. Why? It’s not "public," and therefore, it doesn’t exist as far as you’re concerned. Never mind that a person discovering that the city has a record it thinks is confidential might want to go to court and challenge the bureaucracy on that point.

It’s not like that couldn’t happen. The Open Records Law (at NRS 239.011) outlines a procedure for going to court after a government agency has denied you the right to look at a record. But in Las Vegas, people aren’t necessarily denied, they’re told there’s no such record. Nice.

And while Redlein makes it sound like they’re distributing documents at City Hall like booze at a Paris Hilton party, the fact is, the city improperly charges $1 per page for records! Now the Open Records Law specifically says (at NRS 239.052(1) that any fees charged can’t be more than the "actual cost" to provide the record. And if we can get copies at Kinko’s for pennies a page, $1 per page is clearly outrageous. We can testify that we’ve been charged the $1 per page fee for years when we request documents at City Hall. And we work for a giant national media company! Imagine the poor private citizen who doesn’t have the cash. Do you think the $1-per-page fee helps or hinders getting public records?

Our point is, governments will generally do anything and everything possible to put up barriers to getting public records. That’s why bills like SB123 by state Sen. Terry Care are so important. Go, Terry Care, go!

» The Review-Journal uncovered a minor scandal today, one that we’ve been wondering about for a long time. See, Mayor Oscar Goodman’s favorite libation — the martini — is supposed to be made by mixing different kinds of liquor (typically gin and vermouth) together and shaking or stirring it with ice. In Goodman’s universe, you just pour the gin (Bombay Sapphire, the best there is!) into a glass with a little ice and some garlic removed from green olives.

According to an expert at Southern Wine and Spirits, Armando Rosario, that’s not really a martini. It’s a glass of gin.

We hate to take sides against the mayor, but indeed, we think that is just a glass of gin. (Then again, what’s wrong with a glass of ice-cold gin, especially when it’s Bombay Sapphire?) Others may tell a different story, but we at Various Things & Stuff take credit for long ago introducing Goodman to the English libation when we asked him about his penchant for drinking the undrinkable Beefeater at a news conference. Later, Larry Ruvo of Southern Wine and Spirits convinced hizzoner to give Sapphire a try, and the relationship was sealed when Bombay agreed to pay Goodman to be the Las Vegas frontman for their product. But it was us who first suggested to Goodman that he drink a better class of gin.

Anyway, the best line in the R-J’s story came from Community College of Southern Nevada President Richard Carpenter, who said Goodman teaching a non-credit class on martinis didn’t diminish the mission of the college. "Part of a community college’s mission, he said, is to engage the community and get people to classes who might not otherwise."

We agree Tuesday’s fun little class didn’t diminish the community college’s mission, but we kind of wonder if classes should have a general educational value? Plenty of people were interested in hearing Goodman talk about drinking, but it’s somewhat harder to, say, get people into seats to talk about Shakespeare.

Hey, that’s it! Why not have the community college hire Goodman to teach a class about Shakespeare while drinking his version of a martini! It totally fits! Shakespeare is British. So is Bombay Sapphire! Goodman is popular. So is Shakespeare and drinking! We are on to something here people! Sign us up for that bad boy right now!

» Who says Republicans are anti-environment? Here’s state Sen. Bob Beers recycling an old idea from last year. Or is that called composting?

» Gov. Jim Gibbons says he’s asked his "friend and attorney" Don Campbell to take over answering questions about the FBI’s ongoing investigation into whether he used his office to help his "friend and big campaign contributor" Warren Trepp get federal contracts, in exchange for gifts and travel. We think that’s the smartest thing Gibbons has ever done. Like, ever.

Sorry, readers. It’s been a busy day here at the nondescript building in an industrial area near McCarran International Airport that serves as offices for CityLife. But we didn’t want to leave you without any blogging for the day, so here goes some Quick Hits.

» "I’ve known him for almost 20 years. He’s like a younger brother to me. He’s someone who would never, ever do what this guy is alleging." — Gov. Jim Gibbons, who accepted a nice Caribbean cruise from software company chief Warren Trepp, defending the character of Warren Trepp.

Now, you don’t have to be a regular viewer of Law & Order (although we are) to know that the character witness testimony of one alleged co-conspirator is worthless in vouching for another participant in that same conspiracy. It would be like Vice President Dick Cheney telling us that President George W. Bush would never manipulate intelligence to go to war in Iraq.

So why do it? Because, we think, he just can’t help himself. Gibbons we mean. Or Cheney. Or Bush, now that we think of it…

» Well, since our colleague Jon Ralston weighed in Sunday on the controversy about Fox News "partnering" with the Nevada Democratic Party to broadcast the Aug. 14 presidential debate at UNR, we figured we would, too. Ralston said that bloggers were driving the state’s Democrats to abandon Fox, which claims to be "fair and balanced" but which any viewer of longer than 10 minutes knows is totally false.

Plus, he said they were hypocrites. Check it:

"MoveOn and others have used Fox’s recent smearing of Barack Obama as a case in point. But this is not about some lofty principle or they would carry it over to other media outlets.

"Why don’t local Democrats boycott the Review-Journal because it is so conservative and deifies state Sen. Bob Beers? Why don’t local Republicans snub the Sun because it is not conservative and has been hard on Gov. Jim Gibbons?

"Do these activists honestly think all the journalists at Fox are Rupert Murdoch puppets? Is Air America fair and balanced? Should Republicans tune out CBS News because of the George W. Bush/National Guard report that was widely seen as costing Dan Rather his anchor’s chair?

A couple things:

First, local Democrats bitch constantly about the Review-Journal’s libertarian bias on the editorial page. And when it was announced that the Sun would be delivered inside the daily Review-Journal, partisan bitching on both sides ensued, from conservatives who didn’t want to get the "liberal" Sun, and liberals who didn’t want to hunt through the "right-wing" R-J to get to the Sun.

Second, while all the journalists at Fox aren’t Murdoch puppets, most are reliably and predictably conservative in their outlook. And it’s been documented that Fox journalists get a daily talking points memo that outlines the subject of the day, to which they can apply their conservative mindset.

Third, Air America never said it was fair or balanced; it was created in fact to counter Fox News. (And that’s one of the many reasons why it’s failing; when your mission is formed in contravention to somebody else’s, you’ll always been at his mercy in terms of what you do.)

Fourth, does anybody not think that Republicans tune out CBS News, and did so long before Rathergate? They do, people. They do. Republicans, Democrats, and plenty of other Americans are seeking out news media that reinforce their beliefs, rather than challenge them. It’s a sad trend.

Now, having said all that, we don’t have particular objections to Fox airing the Democratic event. We watch Fox occasionally, mostly for entertainment value. We see the subtle and not-so-subtle ways they distort and spin the news. But then again, we can see that on CNN, MSNBC or most any other channel, too. That is, when they can take a break to catch their breath after covering Anna Nicole Smith’s ongoing death.

But we can sure understand why the faithful (and perhaps we should include ourselves in that group; that is, if they’d have us) don’t like Fox and don’t want it to be the "broadcast partner" for a Democratic event. It’s not the hill to die for, however (whoops; we just got kicked out of the faithful).

Hey, maybe Bill O’Reilly will show up and give us tips on dirty phone talk at the Reno Hilton afterwards?

» Nevada’s bankers are hopping mad that they have to pay a 2 percent payroll tax while the rest of the state’s businesses only have to pay 0.65 percent, which may be cut to 0.63 percent permanently in this session of the Legislature. Why? Well, because it’s interfering with their charitable giving, that’s why!

If the tax were repealed, the state would get $44 million less in revenue. And the bankers would have $22 million to spend on charitable programs, education programs and on dividends, says William Uffelman, a lobbyist for the Nevada Bankers Association. (Yeah, we know that’s just half of the revenue. These are bankers, remember?!)

Anybody want to be what the percentages would be, charity versus dividends? Listen, we’re not bankers, but we think the state keeping all of $44 million and using it for necessary programs is a hell of a better bet than hoping the banks will devote $22 million to charity. (And yes, right wingers, we know it’s not our money, but we like to think of the banks getting screwed by taxes the way they screw us with a $2 fee for taking money out of our account. The higher tax on banks is about as fair as that $2 fee, and just as delightfully inexplicable.)

Besides, let’s not forget that the banks backed the tax back in 2003! Oh, that’s right: 2 percent was fine and dandy back then, when they were looking at the possibility of paying other, higher taxes. But they agreed to it. And if banks and their fellow robber barons in big business had simply agreed on the much more fair and tax-base-broadening gross receipts tax that then-Gov. Kenny Guinn had advocated, they wouldn’t be in this position now.

» Quotable: "I look at the state of Nevada and I say to myself, ‘What needs to be fixed? Who out there is suffering?’ And boy, bankers never popped into my mind." — Assemblywoman Peggy Pierce, courtesy of Jon Ralston’s Flashpoint in the Sun. We just love that Peggy Pierce.

» Man, it’s not just the R-J that thinks state Sen. Bob Beers is a hero. It’s schoolkids, too! No, they don’t back his proposal to arm teachers. But they love him for introducing bills to let high schoolers sleep in later (2005) and now for mandating they only have to take two assessment tests every year!

Where was this guy when we were in high school, long ago? We could have used him!

» Of course, we think the plan for the Clark County Health District to impose a $600 fee on people caught smoking in prohibited places (in addition to a $100 fine) is just as ridiculous as the idea of banning smoking in places like bars in the first place. So as long as we’re off the charts on the Ridic-U-Ometer, why not have some fun with smoke banner Michael Hackett’s quote in support of the fee?

Here’s the quote, unaltered: "If you are a business owner and continue to not comply with the law, you have to be held accountable. What’s going on is the Southern Nevada Health District is developing regulations, which are going to make the businesses accountable for their violations and violators. These types of regulations are being developed in other health districts throughout the state."

Here’s the quote, after we’ve played with the context a little: "If you are a business owner and continue to not comply with the [separate but equal facilities] law, you have to be held accountable. What’s going on is the [police and sheriff’s departments are] developing regulations [to make sure white people don’t mix with black people, and those regulations] are going to make the businesses accountable for their violations and their violators. These types of regulations are being developed in other [parts of Mississippi]."

Too far? Smoking and civil rights, too outrageous to be put in the same statement? Perhaps. But the War of Ridiculousness was begun by the smoke banners, and we’re just using weapons taken straight from their cache.

» So Gov. Jim Gibbons, who is under investigation by the FBI for allegedly receiving gifts in exchange for official actions while serving in Congress, has been named a co-chairman of the National Governors Association on homeland security. Hey, this is the guy who had the idea to create the Homeland Security Department, after all! First priority: Tightening up e-mail security, so those pesky messages don’t leak out…

» Vice President Dick Cheney said some nasty things about House Speaker Nancy Pelosi over the weekend. We’d break them down for you, but why? Cheney has been so wrong for so long on Iraq, it’s a wonder anybody takes the guy seriously anymore. It’s like listening to stock market advice from the crazy dude at the freeway offramp who wants to wash your windows for loose change.

Think about it: He said Iraq and al-Qaida were in league together. False. He said Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. False. He said American troops would be greeted as liberators. False. He said Iraqi intelligence agents met with 9/11 hijacker Muhammad Atta in Prague. False. He later said he’d never said that. Doubly false. He said the Iraqi insurgency was in its "last throes" — a long time ago. False.

Hell, this guy’s been wrong more than that guy on the freeway offramp who keeps giving us stock tips while washing our windows! Nothing he says should be taken seriously. Cheney, that is. The window-washer guy may be right on this whole Station Casinos stock thing…

» It’s no secret that anti-taxer and alleged Jack Abramoff money launderer Grover Norquist hates democracy. After all, in democracy, people vote for people who raise taxes. And then what do you have? (Yes, we know, civilization. It was a setup question.)

But we still don’t get why Norquist (and our good friend and frequent political talk show guest Chuck Muth) don’t want lawmakers to put a tax increase to cover an estimated $3.8 billion transportation backlog on the ballot. After all, even staunchly anti-tax Gov. Jim Gibbons says the voters are in charge in Nevada!

"Taxpayers don’t need the Legislature to put a tax increase on the ballot. If they truly feel higher taxes are needed, they can go out and collect the necessary signatures [for an initiative]. … A vote to short-circuit the initiative process to put a tax hike on the ballot would amount to an abdication of fiscal leadership," Norquist wrote.

We totally agree on that last part: The Legislature should find the courage to pass the taxes itself, and not bother with a vote. (The need is so obvious, nobody sane could deny it.) But sending it to the voters is the next best thing. And consider this: Whether by initiative (which takes a long time and is cumbersome) or by Legislative fiat, the matter ends up before voters, who get final say. How can that be a bad thing?

» Look, we’re not saying that North Las Vegas Mike Montandon is an idiot. That would be disrespectful and wrong. (Besides, the guy can’t be totally dumb, having been involved in a political money laundering operation.) Voters in his city have seen fit to return him to office, and they must have their reasons, right? Who knows, maybe he’s entertaining at council meetings?

But we were surprised to learn from today’s Las Vegas Sun that the mayor apparently can’t tell the difference between a strip club and a Burger King. North Las Vegas wants to restrict the former by requiring a special use permit, which would allow the five-member council to sit in judgment on each First Amendment-protected adult business that comes to town. The American Civil Liberties Union has concerns.

"I find that fascinating. We require use permits for drive-through restaurants," Montandon said.

Well — patiently explained the ACLU’s Allen Lichtenstein, no doubt in a voice reserved for small children and very old people — exotic dancers and naughty bookstores are protected under the free speech clause of the First Amendment, while "do you want fries with that?" hasn’t reached that sacred pinnacle just yet. (If the drive-through window was staffed by strippers, now that would be a North Las Vegas dilemma!)

Anyway, Montandon said he’d meet with the ACLU, but that "we’re moving forward" on the ordinance. Now that should be a productive meeting. You know, for all the hate these Republicans heap on trial lawyers, they sure do a lot to keep the barristers employed.

We didn’t realize it, until an alert, longtime local scribe pointed it out to us, but the Review-Journal forgot to mention one important sealed case in its series on secret justice last week. Back in the day, ex-R-J City Editor Mary Hausch sued the newspaper and its then-parent company, Donrey Media Group, for sexual discrimination after she was passed over for promotion to editor.

After winning favorable rulings from state and federal equal employment commissions, her case was filed in federal court. But both sides agreed to meet for non-binding arbitration. And what was one of the R-J’s conditions of the arbitration? That the results be forever confidential, sealed, if you will, from public view.

To be fair, R-J special projects writer Frank Geary would have had no way of knowing about the old Hausch case. In fact, he only examined cases in District Court, starting in 2000. But plenty of other old timers at the R-J no doubt knew about the matter, and probably should have mentioned it.

And to be even more fair, the Hausch case itself was never sealed, only the results of the arbitration, which is a fairly common practice with similar lawsuits. Still, while we know that Hausch won her lawsuit and monetary damages, we don’t know how much. And we never will, since that amount is … what’s the word? Sealed.

» Is it just us, or does it seem to anybody else that U.S. Sen. Harry Reid’s Iraq "strategy" involves only non-binding resolutions, ex-post-facto resolution re-writing, failed cloture votes and pretty much everything except getting our troops the hell out of Iraq?

In a story in today’s Review-Journal – which deceptively uses the word "strategy," although that clearly implies Reid has some kind of plan — the Senate majority leader says he’s going to work on re-writing the 2002 resolution that gave the president the authority to go to war in Iraq in the first place.

Don’t forget: Reid voted for that resolution, and has failed to regret his vote despite the fact that its factual underpinnings have turned out to be total bullshit. In Reid’s world, the re-written resolution would confine the president to using troops only for anti-terror operations, force protection and training.

But the reality is, the president is commander-in-chief of U.S. armed forces, and once they’re deployed to the field, he’s got full authority to decide how they may be used. That’s how it should be under the Constitution, and that’s why it’s so important to only use the military when it’s the last resort. Reid and Bush screwed that part up, badly.

Altering past resolutions (or even passing all-new ones) is only going to force a national debate over separation of powers, not get American kids out of harm’s way.

The only thing that would do that — cutting off funding, which is the purview of Congress and has been done before (SEE, Vietnam) — is the one thing that Reid refuses to do. That, Reid said, "is no strategy. We believe … troops, at whatever cost to our treasury, we must take care of. We’re not about to leave our military in Iraq or Afghanistan or anyplace else without the equipment or materials they need. … We’re talking about a redeployment, not having all the troops come home tomorrow," Reid said.

Where to start? We’ve already had troops in Iraq and Afghanistan without the equipment or materials they need … thank former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for that. Nobody is saying we should leave the troops in Iraq or Afghanistan without bullets — they’re saying approve as much money as we need to get them the hell out of there. And why the hell aren’t we talking about having all the troops come home tomorrow?

Answer: Because the Democrats don’t want to be seen as anti-war pussies, despite the fact that they won an election based largely on American dissatisfaction with the Republicans’ handling of the war. If they bring the troops home, then Democrats will have "lost" Iraq, they reason. And that means more wandering in the political wilderness instead of the cozy confines of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Please. What do they think Bush’s strategy is right now? Get the hell out of Washington, D.C., and let the next guy — probably a Democrat — deal with the fallout from the war. Which means the Republicans are going to blame the Democrats for losing anyway!

So, if you’re going to get "blamed," no matter what, why the hell would you not pull the troops out now, and minimize to every extent possible American losses? (This would force the Iraqi government to stand on its own, by the way.) Because supporting the troops doesn’t just mean giving them armor kits and bullets and praying for their safe and swift return; it means being responsible to see that not a single drop of American blood is shed for a lie. Bush has already shown he’ll sacrifice American lives with little thought as to the consequences. If the Democrats are going to do the same thing, why the hell do we even need an opposition party in this country?

» Oh, Curtis Myles, that cockeyed optimist! Sure, he heads the Las Vegas Monorail, which has never made a profit, seen its bonds drop to junk status and had its worst year ever in 2006. But he told the Legislature on Tuesday that the monorail’s future is "very bright." Now that’s a glass-half-full (of vodka, apparently) outlook!

Where does Myles get his hope? Well, he can’t point to profits or riders or reduced debt. But he does say that the monorail is carrying more people than systems in Denver or Salt Lake City. "We have received a lot of criticism, some of it due," he said. "But compared to other states, it’s been relatively successful."

Hey, we get it. It’s the contrast theory. Sure, getting hit by the (wildly more successful) Deuce bus on the Strip might hurt, but compared to falling out of an airplane into a pit of spikes laced with acid all while listening to an iPod stocked only with Toby Keith songs, it’s a day in the park!

By that standard, the monorail is way ahead of, say, Mayan civilization, which may have had the calendar and astronomy, but sure as hell didn’t have a tax-dodging peoplemover! (Perhaps their society could have been saved, if only they’d had a four-mile escape from Mel Gibson movies!) Ants may be able to live several times their body weight, but they have to walk everywhere, so we’re way ahead of ants! And have you seen any episodes of HBO’s classic Deadwood lately? Those people had to use horse-drawn stagecoaches! Las Vegas is way ahead of them!

» Kudos to the Las Vegas Sun for highlighting the issue of public employee overtime, which some have said is getting out of hand. The Sun ran a front-page story Sunday on the issue, which revealed that the number of government workers earning six-figure salaries in Las Vegas is three times the national average.

But a dart to the Sun for missing a blatant and obvious conflict of interest in today’s follow-up piece.

"[Henderson] City Councilwoman Amanda Cyphers said she did not think the overtime, particularly among firefighters, was out of line. Records show 121 out of 162 firefighters — nearly 75 percent — topped the $100,000 threshold last year.

"’One of my jobs for the past 12 years has been to be a watchdog for the public,’ Cyphers said. ‘I don’t see this as abuse. It’s a need we have to meet.’"

We bet she thinks there’s been no abuse. After all, Councilwoman Cyphers’ husband, Michael Cyphers, is the city’s emergency management coordinator. In that job, which is appointed by the city manager, he "…is subject to the direction and control of the fire chief."

Now, how would it look for Michael Cyphers on the job if Amanda Cyphers criticized the fire department’s high salaries? Not too good, we think. It was a conflict that should have been noted.

As soon as we heard that U.S. Sen. John Ensign had missed Saturday’s vote on a resolution disapproving of President George W. Bush’s troop surge in Iraq, we knew it could be only one thing: Golf.

So let’s all make like Harry Reid, and not criticize Ensign. No, not because we have some stupid "non-aggression pact" that has robbed Reid’s state of a chance to get some real money behind an Ensign challenger. Let’s do it because we love our country, and we want to protect it from all enemies, whether foreign, or domestic, or with one hell of a backswing.

Three-hour waits outside McCarran International Airport? And they’re handing out garbage bags to shield people from the rain, because the lines were so long, they had to wait outside? Did nobody at Southwest Airlines (where the lines were the longest) get the memo that there was a few special events in town this weekend? Like the NBA All-Star Game, the MAGIC Convention and (our favorite) Chinese New Year, ushering in the Year of the Pig? What’s up, Southwest?

Combine that with the indecipherable signage at the airport, and you’ve got problems. (We visited last week, and instead of short-term parking found ourselves driving amidst the shuttle buses and limos! All because we were just one lane off! And when we swung around for another try, we nearly hit a horribly confused old man in a Cadillac who had come to a full stop trying to figure out where the hell he should go!)

But we have a good friend who works at the airport (who must remain nameless for security reasons) who tells us regularly that we’re full of it, and points to the fact that McCarran received the J.D. Power & Associates award for overall airport satisfaction, ranking No. 1 in the nation. She tells us that most of McCarran’s operations were as smooth as a Michael Jordan dunk on Monday. And with that, we’ve made our first, and only, NBA-related simile for this blog.

On with today’s mega-helping of Quick Hits!

» Mayor Oscar Goodman is hitting the right notes as he prepares a presentation for the NBA, to be heard in April in New York, for Las Vegas to be the permanent home for a team. The NBA has a problem with betting on pro basketball, which according to our colleague Erin Neff, brings in about $320 million per year.

"They’re [casinos] the economic engine of this valley. I will not go around them," Goodman told the Review-Journal last week. "That would be like cutting off my nose to spite my face. In order for the arena, the whole concept of a franchise in Las Vegas to be successful, it has to be a partnership with the whole community. There can’t be division."

We’ll definitely do our part, mayor, by attending games and eating and drinking our weight in beer and hot dogs!

But we think the mayor’s on to something, since a gambling industry insider hinted to us Friday that the industry might accept taking only the Las Vegas team off the betting boards, provided that taxpayers don’t have to put up any money for the arena in which the new team would play. Given that Goodman has said he’s got a way to build an arena without taxpayer dollars, it seems to us that things might be coming together!

P.S. Don’t cut off your nose, mayor! That would just look weird.

» Gov. Jim Gibbons is busy denying that he ever did anything wrong when it comes to his good friend, Warren Trepp. But we already know that Gibbons took an unreported private jet flight and Caribbean cruise from Trepp, after he’d helped Trepp’s company get lucrative, black-budget contracts. The e-mails (previously reported by the Wall Street Journal) only make things look worse.

But it wouldn’t be a Gibbons-style scandal without a Gibbons-style screwup in making the Gibbons-style defense. In the Las Vegas Sun Friday, it was this: After telling a Reno TV station that he "had nothing to do with any contract," the Sun revealed that Gibbons put out a news release in June 2004 saying he’d requested and obtained $3 million in federal money for eTreppid, Trepp’s company. Whoops. If only he knew spin like he knows water, from the ground up.

» Quotable: "Gibbons is trying and I think will be a good governor. We need to move on." — Dr. Garn Mabey, Assembly minority leader. Um, actually doc, this scandal just got revved up. You see, at this stage, you’re supposed to say "he’s innocent until proven guilty, and he should get his day in court." Then, you switch over to "these are partisan charges designed to undercut his effectiveness in office." (You know, more than Gibbons himself undercuts his effectiveness in office.) Only then do you move on to "it’s old news, and its time to move on." Nobody busts out "move on" on the second day of a scandal! It’s just not done. Didn’t you get the Karl Rove handbook when you took office? Check around your desk.

» Oh, so apparently, black lawmakers in Carson City are frequently mistaken for each other. The Las Vegas Sun’s Patrick Coolican won’t say who, but apparently even veteran lobbyists can’t tell the difference between people like Assemblyman William Horne and state Senator Maurice Washington. (That’s easy! Horne is the one who doesn’t engage in fraud against the state!)

Anyway, we say to the brothers in Carson: Cry us a river! Trying Try looking like us at Various Things & Stuff and getting mistaken for state Sen. Bob Beers! You think that’s a picnic? Oh, and it happens all the freakin’ time, too! We have to explain how we’re not that guy, how we do support higher salaries for teachers and how we don’t want congressional reject Sharron Angle’s rejected bills put into law. It’s exhausting! And just when we’re done with that, somebody takes us for former Assemblyman (and current lobbyist) Josh Griffin! (OK, to be fair, the person who did that is slightly insane, but still, it happened.)

Here’s a handy guide on telling us pleasantly plump, bald, white folks apart: Griffin dresses better than the rest of us, and could eat both Beers and us under the table, combined. Beers is the one who has fun with numbers, and is constantly scheming to cut your taxes. (He’s also been known to ride around in an RV.) We’re the one who’s always scribbling something down in a notebook, saying bad words and usually have a cocktail or a cigar in hand (or both). Got it?

Of course, it goes without saying that there are always plenty of lovely ladies around us, Beers and Griffin. What can we say? Ladies love the plump! Alas, ladies, all three of us are taken.

» Speaking of mistaken identity, a Reno TV reporter once mistook us for Beers at the impeachment trial of the late Kathy Augustine. Until this Las Vegas Sun story, we thought he was the dumbest person in Nevada media.

» We’ve already entered Assemblywoman Peggy Pierce into our Quotage Hall of Fame 2007, but make room for Assemblywoman Bonnie Parnell, D-Carson City. After some activists objected to spending more money on education, Parnell noted thus: "We’re still talking about a cost per student that’s about 25 percent of the cost per inmate in this state. When we talk about paying more [for prisons] nobody blinks."

Amen, sister! We’re always amazed that Republicans — allegedly the fiscal conservatives — can’t figure out that education costs less in the long run than incarceration, by a considerable factor. Thanks to Parnell for pointing that out.

» Let’s get this straight: U.S. Sen. Harry Reid doesn’t regret his vote against the war, but has become a critic of it. And he thinks its the worst foreign policy mistake ever made in U.S. history, but all he’s doing to correct it is pass a non-binding resolution disagreeing with the president?

What doesn’t make sense about this? Oh, that’s right: Everything.

"The evidence at the time was persuasive, especially if you go back and look and see what Secretary of State Colin Powell did at the United Nations. We’ve learned since then that the evidence was manipulated. So the answer is no, I’m not going to apologize," Reid said, explaining his pro-war vote. (Actually, Reid would have had to go forward if he wanted to base his vote on Powell’s shameful performance at the U.N., since the vote was in October 2002 and Powell didn’t head to New York until February 2003.)

Yet, there were many of us who thought the war was wrong at the time and doubted the Bush administration’s since-disproved case for war. Among that group were 21 of Reid’s fellow senators, including Barbara Boxer, Robert Byrd, Richard Durbin, Russ Feingold, Edward Kennedy, Patrick Leahy, Ron Wyden and the late Paul Wellstone. They certainly suspected Bush was wrong, so Reid could have as well.

If Reid really does believe that Iraq is America’s worst mistake, why doesn’t he try to fix it, by trying for a new resolution that forces Bush to initiate an orderly withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq? That’s especially true since Reid voted for the Iraq war — he’s got a moral obligation to fix his mistake.

"I’m sure [Reid’s] not complaining that we haven’t been attacked again since 9/11 at home," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, the top Republican in the Senate, after being asked about Reid’s remarks. Now, with a lightweight intellectual opposition like that, fixing the Iraq mess shouldn’t be too hard. All it takes is some courage to endure Republican lies. But remember this, senator: If they’ll lie about Iraq, they’ll lie about anything, and they’re going to lie about you anyway. So you may as well do the right thing.

» Tom Mitchell, editor of the R-J, had a good column on Sunday, following the newspaper’s series of reports (written by my friend and colleague Frank Geary) about judges sealing court cases on scant authority. The courts are supposed to be open, and that shouldn’t change just because a wealthy defendants wants it to be so.

» And finally today, it seems that R-J columnist Jane Ann Morrison got dinged for $50 for having a suitcase that was overweight on a recent trip to Washington, D.C. She argues the overweight-bag policy discriminates against women, but we disagree: It discriminates against overpackers!

But we’ve got the solution, both for Morrison and for anybody who does any travel, whether for business or leisure. It’s located at www.onebag.com, a website that helps you to pack even for long trips using only a carry-on suitcase! The author, Doug Dyment, not only shows you what to bring, what kind of a suitcase to buy but also how to pack your stuff to minimize wrinkling. It’s a revolutionary site, and it’s helped us make many trips burdened only by a single carryon bag. And we’ve never been hit with overweight fees. Check it out.

Oh, there’s plenty of stuff going on to blog about today, readers! Lance Malone’s six-year sentence. (That’s one day for every $257 he accepted or passed along in bribes, versus our suggestion of a dollar a day, which would have been a sentence of 1,542 years!) Mayor Oscar Goodman’s joy at what appears to be a crack in the NBA’s heretofore strong stance against siting a team in a town that also provides sports gambling. Or the Wall Street Journal story announcing the FBI is involved in an investigation of Gov. Jim Gibbons‘ gift-laden relationship with a big donor, Warren Trepp.

But we did want to comment on a story in today’s Review-Journal before it slipped our minds. It seems that Morgan Baumgartner, a lobbyist for the Nevada Resort Association, testified that "sidewalks in front of hotel-casinos had been private property from which easements were granted to local government for use as sidewalks. The association views the bill [SB 13, by state Sen. Terry Care] as an infringement on their [sic] private property rights, she said, and a law broadening permitted uses could be considered a ‘taking’ of private property."

Well, no.

Perhaps Baumgartner is unfamiliar with the holding in the 1999 case of Venetian Casino Resort LLC v. Local Joint Executive Board of Las Vegas, et. al. In that case, U.S. District Court Judge Philip Pro ruled that even though the sidewalk outside the Venetian was built on private property, they still functioned as a public forum, and thus free speech was entitled to its greatest protection there. That means protesters, whether they be union members or street preachers, have every right to be there, regardless of whether the Venetian wants them there or not.

Now, the Venetian appealed the case to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals — which upheld the decision — as well as to the U.S. Supreme Court, which declined to hear the case. That means the law of the land, at least in the Ninth Circuit, is that "private" sidewalks outside casinos are public forums. And there is no "taking," involved. As Pro wrote:

"Private property rights are very important and should not be disregarded simply because a private owner performs a function that is sometimes performed by government. Nevertheless, if ever there was a case where the protections of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution should be applied to private property used for a particular function, this is the case."

And again:

"The sidewalk in front of the Venetian was previously public, serves as a thoroughfare along a main public road, and serves the needs of the general public. As such, it falls within a very limited exception to the general rule that private property is not subject to the First Amendment. Since the sidewalk performs an essential public function, the Venetian does not have the right to exclude individuals from the sidewalk based upon permissible exercises of their right to expression under the First Amendment, and the county has not taken the Venetian’s private property rights by failing to arrest or cite individuals who do so. The public may use the Venetian’s sidewalk for First Amendment purposes to the same degree that it may use any other public sidewalk subject to content neutral and reasonable time, place and manner restrictions."

 

So there you have it, people: "Private" sidewalks aren’t so private, no matter how the Nevada Resort Association might wish it so. Casino property proper, including gambling areas, hotels, restaurants, etc. is totally private, and casinos may exclude anyone from those spaces. But sidewalks? It’s not even a close call. 

We understand that NBA Commissioner David Stern is going to talk to the capitalists today about the branding of basketball at a luncheon put on by the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce. We want to hear all about it, since branding apparently makes the capitalist machine go ’round. But before we slip over to the Four Seasons, let’s do a a few Quick Hits!

» Herr Weasel, who sometimes goes by the code name "Lt. Gov. Brian Krolicki," has found something new to bitch about: The size of his staff. According to a story in the Nevada Appeal, Senor Comadreja says that his six staffers are paid less money than employees in other constitutional offices. (Krolicki himself took a $20,000 annual pay cut when he was forced out of the state treasurer’s job by term limits and elected to stay in politics with a bid for lieutenant governor.)

Chiefs of staff for the governor, attorney general, secretary of state, state treasurer and state controller are all paid more than $100,000, but the lieutenant governor’s chief of staff gets but a mere $66,830. (Then again, the attorney general employs 230 people, the secretary of state employs 139, the controller employs 45 and the treasurer 22.)

We don’t want to be disrespectful here, but … oh, hell, of course we want to be disrespectful here! Krolicki is a guy who whines and bitches about everything, from where his office will be located to what furniture he can have! No wonder even members of the GOP think he’s a putz. But could we suggest that the lieutenant governor doesn’t have much in the way of staff because it’s a part-time job with no real duties? The taxpayers need an AG, a secretary of state, a controller and a treasurer (although those last two jobs could be combined, we think). They don’t need a lieutenant governor. Although we do have to say Krolicki has managed to get more people to church during his short tenure: They’re praying for the health of Gov. Jim Gibbons.

» No sooner does the city of Pahrump excise it’s ugly English-only law than state Sen. Bob Beers says he’ll pick up a bill sought by defeated congressional candidate and former Assemblywoman Sharron Angle to make English the state’s official language. Look, we think Beers is a fine-looking man, probably the most handsome guy in the state Senate, but good looks can’t cover this. There’s no reason to make English the official language of Nevada.

We can debate border security, national ID cards, and employment policy when it comes to immigrants. (We at Various Things & Stuff happen to believe that if somebody wants to come here and work, they’re welcome to do so, as long as we can ensure national security.) But English only? It doesn’t address any of the real problems surrounding immigration, and it makes immigrants feel singularly unwelcome. This bill should have died with Angle, but let’s hope the Senate rightfully entombs it this time around.

» When is a tax increase OK? When the voters say it’s OK, says Gov. Jim Gibbons, in a remarkably cogent remark quoted by the Review-Journal. "I always said the public runs this state," the governor said. "They elected me because I oppose tax and fee increases. If the public wants to implement a tax on themselves, that is up to the voting public. A vote of the public will supersede a governor’s reluctance to raise taxes."

At issue is a $3.8 billion shortfall in the state’s transportation budget, which officials in Carson City are struggling to fix. Although a blue-ribbon task force appointed by former Gov. Kenny Guinn and a transition team appointed by Gibbons recommended — among other things — indexing the gas tax to inflation and other taxes to fund the shortfall, Gibbons has been resolute in opposing tax increases. The question up to now has been: would Gibbons oppose a ballot question about taxes? Now that he’s said he wouldn’t, expect for that to be part of the Legislature’s buck-passing solution.
But will the public go for it? Transportation expert Tom Skancke said recently that if the public is told exactly what the tax money will be used for, and if the benefits of the spending are made clear, the public will say yes. But a statewide vote, in which residents of rural areas are asked to tax themselves so that drivers in urban Las Vegas and Reno can experience smoother commutes? That might be a tough sell. And in the meantime, road projects that need to be started go unfunded.

In a perfect world, lawmakers would stand up and say that expecting to keep up with growth without spending more money is like presenting yourself at the corner bakery and demanding a bagel for free. They’d pass a tax, which Gibbons would veto, which the Legislature would then override, cementing the executive irrelevance that’s been taking shape over the last two months. But this is no perfect world; it’s Nevada.

» Speaking of transportation, what the hell is MGM Mirage thinking? A master planned community of affordable housing in Jean, halfway to the California border? Talk about your leapfrog development! Then again, we at Various Things & Stuff aren’t exactly known for our real estate skills, and MGM Mirage is developing a $7 billion mixed-use project in the middle of the Strip. So, that that as you will.

You know, it reminds us of the time, long ago, when we were shopping at the William Sonoma outlet store in Primm. There, on the wall, was a business license with the address: 32100 Las Vegas Blvd. South. Someday, we realized then, the Strip will extend all the way out there. And this looks to be a big step in that evolution. And let’s not forget that sometime in the next decade, we may see a full-fledged airport between Jean and Primm, too.

» Call us crazy, but we are big believers in the city’s Union Park plans. We’ve written before that Mayor Oscar Goodman should get credit for the changing face of downtown, and the 61-acre, city-owned parcel is the centerpiece of it.

We do disagree somewhat with the assertion in today’s Review-Journal that development of offices, retail shops, the Lou Ruvo Brain Institute, the Smith Center for the Performing Arts, a new city hall, etc. "…could also help restore luster to the stagnant Fremont Street casino district." In fact, it will have the opposite effect: The new development will make the careworn Fremont Street casinos look even worse by comparison.

But consider this: There’s new money going into the Golden Nugget, so perhaps the new development west of the existing downtown will inspire owners to put some money into their flagging properties. That may be a pipe dream, given that downtown casinos actually declined in revenue while every other casino district in Nevada was posting record gains. But it’s the only way the "new" downtown will restore any luster to the old.

So we’re back from the frozen north, glad to see that Las Vegas is right where we left it and nothing has changed (although some wiseacre moved the printer here in our nondescript office building in an industrial area near McCarran International Airport; we still found it, wiseacres!)

Anyway, let’s get on with the business of quick hitting, shall we?

» Why, we wonder, was the person who spoke in this column granted anonymity? He or she only said positive things. Hmmm….

» Let’s hope ex-Clark County Commissioner Lance Malone goes to jail for a long, long time. We think a day for every dollar he accepted or passed on as bribe money to other people would be appropriate, but that would mean a sentence of more than 1,542 years! Anyway, we hope he gets locked up for a long time.

» After Gov. Jim Gibbons blamed former Gov. Kenny Guinn for problems with the state budget. Guinn replied that it’s not his fault. Don’t you just hate uni-partisan bickering? It’s totally destroying our country! Anyway, it seems that some fee increases are still part of the Gibbons budget, for which Guinn is also getting the blame. But that goes against Gibbons promise not to raise taxes (or fees, which he apparently considers the same thing).

Thank God there are Republicans like state Sen. Bob Beers around to defend Gibbons. "My suspicion would be that if he’s [Gibbons] committed to no fee increases and there are some in the budget, they snuck through. Maybe he’ll put a budget amendment forward to eliminate them," Beers said. "If they don’t put an amendment forward, and there are fee increases, and the governor has said there will be no fee increases, that’s a conflicting data set. That’s something we need to get resolved."

Ah, yes, it is a conundrum, isn’t it? Beers may have missed the obvious explanation — Gibbons is anti-tax and anti-fee but he’s handicapped by the fact that he doesn’t know what the hell is in his budget, any more than he knows the details of any other program in state government. Stick that in the data set, baby! (Beers is still the best-looking state senator in Nevada, in our view.)

But poor Gibbons came in for some criticism from young Bob Adney, who has busied himself lately with running the Tax and Spending Control initiative and starting a new right-wing group, called Take Back Nevada.

"A fee increase is a tax increase. We have no problem in Nevada with the enormous amount of money coming in," said Adney. (Reality check: A surplus of several hundred million versus a transportation shortfall of $3.8 billion doesn’t exactly balance out.)

But Adney did say that blaming Guinn is hella-lame, or whatever the young people are saying these days. "It’s not Kenny Guinn’s budget. It’s Jim Gibbons’ submitted budget. It has his name on it. That seems like something an elementary or middle school kid would say." And Adney should know; not long ago, he was an elementary and middle school kid.

Notice something about that item? We didn’t quote a single Democrat, liberal, socialist or communist in criticizing Gibbons. No, it’s all GOP. With friends like those, who needs a political opposition?

» But just in case you do need a political opposition, check out Las Vegas Sun Editor Brian Greenspun’s Sunday column. He summarizes the foolishness of trying to govern a growing state like Nevada with a bumper sticker slogan like "No new taxes." And, he knows what he’s talking about, having served on the governor’s task force on tax policy.

» Well, the Regional Transportation Commission seems to be coming around. But Review-Journal traffic columnist Omar Sofradzija still thinks you’re an idiot. Consider this excerpt from a Saturday piece on ramp meters:

"’Because they [ramp meters] function in a way that’s very similar to a traffic light, we hope people will intuitively stop’ and follow the meter’s directions, said Tracy Bower, an RTC spokeswoman. ‘There are signs that are up with the meters. The lights are pretty self explanatory.’

 

"Essentially, the meters are stoplights that allow vehicles to enter the freeway one a time in hopes of thinning slowdowns that occur around interchanges, where a cluster of cars entering the freeway tries to merge into traffic.

"The meters use a red light to hold a car for a few seconds before signaling a green light, allowing a vehicle to enter the freeway. Then, the cycle repeats.

"’The meters will function much the same way as the meters on U.S. 95,’ Bower said. ‘Stop on red. Go on green.’"

Apparently, the lights aren’t that self-explanatory after all, eh? Oh, and for Ms. Bower, a note: The lights will function exactly the way they do on U.S. 95, and any other damn street in the country, for that matter. If anybody doesn’t know to "stop on red, go on green" they should have their license taken away, not to mention undergoing involuntary sterilization to prevent unfortunate breeding. But we happen to think that most people get it, without having to read the Road Warrior’s extremely simple explanation.

» The Chrissy Mazzeo/Jim Gibbons case may be over. But the questions — especially about the large volume of cell phone calls between players like Sheriff Bill Young, political consultant Sig Rogich, and Mazzeo’s alleged "friend" Pennie Puhek — are enough circumstantial evidence to place Gibbons’ innocence into eternal doubt.

» Screw you, Mike Kalil! That’s what we say after the Review-Journal’s county reporter said mean things about Clark County Commissioner Chip Maxfield. Poor Maxfield’s crime? Making a reference to "transparent aluminum," a futuristic material referenced in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.

All Maxfield said was that we should make cars out of transparent aluminum, which is a much hardier metal than the plexiglass used in the late 20th century. Now, personally we could hang with current materials for cars, if only we could get access to transporter technology that would make owning a car totally unnecessary! All we’d need would be a series of satellites and we could beam anywhere on Earth, provided there were no ion storms that would send us into the parallel evil universe (as seen in the episode "Mirror, Mirror") where the alternate version of us at Various Things & Stuff is probably very nice…

Anyway, our point is this: It’s simply mindless discrimination to make fun of Maxfield for his love of a great science fiction series. (And if you haven’t checked out the digitally remastered episodes that air at 5 p.m. on Saturday on the CW, you don’t know what you’re missing!) So lay off, Kalil, unless you want to feel the wrath of our phaser!

» Quotable: "I don’t want to see some gang-bangers or hip-hoppers knocking over a jewelry store at Fashion Show mall." — Mayor Oscar Goodman, on security preparations for the NBA All-Star weekend.

Because God knows, no white people would ever knock over a jewelry store at the Fashion Show mall…

» And finally today, another first for Nevada! We’ve already witnessed the ascension of Assemblywoman Barbara Buckley to be the first woman speaker of the Assembly. And before that, we saw state Sen. Dina Titus become the first woman to become a leader of either party in either house. And on Feb. 23, we will see the first weasel serve as governor!

No, not Jim Gibbons. Lt. Gov. Brian Krolicki, who will fill in while Gibbons attends the National Governor’s Association meeting in Washington, D.C. Krolicki promises he won’t take the governor’s parking space, but if we were Gibbons, we’d be more worried about the office furniture. (Krolicki tried to steal the furniture when he was finally crowbarred out of the state treasurer’s office, which he occupied for eight years. He was eventually forced to give it back.)

Anyway, it turns out that Krolicki will be looking for a job, since the lieutenant governor’s position is considered part-time and pays $20,000 less than his old gig. So, he’s looking for something in the banking sector. But since he’s got a hereditary tendency to feed on small mammals, perhaps he could get some pest-control work in some of Carson City’s older buildings? There’s got to be some vermin in the state capital to be eliminated!

CARSON CITY — The best moment of the day on Thursday came at the tail end of a joint committee hearing of the Assembly’s taxation and transportation panels. We’ll tell you about it in a second, but first, let’s set it up.

Phil Peckman, chairman of the state’s blue ribbon task force on highway funding, joined by ex-Department of Transportation chief Jeff Fontaine, gave a Power Point presentation complete with nifty graphics and videos illustrating the need to spend money on roads. A lot of money. Like $3.8 billion, or $280 million to $300 million per year, if you sell bonds.

The presentation noted that the $3.8 billon figure may even be low, since the cost of construction materials like concrete and steel — not to mention energy — are all rising. And one-third of the costs of the projects involve buying land on which to build or expand highways.

“We looked at every single tax in the state,” Peckman said. “You’re not going to build these projects without additional revenue.”

Additional revenue? Could that be code for taxes? We think it could.

Now, unlike what Gov. Jim Gibbons said last month, the blue ribbon task force identified a whole bunch of places to get more money for roads. Peckman said the committee tried to look at taxes that were related to roads and driving, which we think makes a lot of sense.

Peckman told the committee to look at the issue with a sense of urgency, but it was the next speaker who really underlined to need. Transportation expert and lobbyist Tom Skancke left the committee with little doubt that the state needs to get things done yesterday.

“When you don’t know where you’re going, it really doesn’t matter which route you take, because the result is the same. You’re lost,” he said. If Nevada doesn’t follow the committee’s recommendations, it will be “beyond crisis.”

It takes years to get projects completed, and the costs rise with delays, Skancke said. And if the Legislature doesn’t act now, future lawmakers will wonder why.

“Tools [like public-private partnerships] will never replace motor fuel taxes as the stable and predictable funding source it has been for the last half-century in this country,” Skancke said. “Telling our fellow Nevadans that they have to get used to two-hour commutes is just not acceptable.”

“We’ve been putting projects off in this state for a long time,” always waiting for a crisis, Skancke said. “Well, guess what? The crisis is here.”

In an especially frank passage of his testimony, Skancke urged committee members to consider voting for a tax increase to fund roads, without worrying about how it would affect their chances of getting re-elected.

“At some point, we will have to pay, whether it be now or later. But now is a lot less than later,” he said.

It was certainly aggressive, but Skancke was absolutely right. And after his testimony, as some lawmakers wondered just how we’ve ended up in this situation, Assemblywoman Peggy Pierce spoke up with the answer, which made attending the hearing worthwhile.

“After 20 years of the drumbeat that government is bad and the trend of smaller and smaller government, it’s no mystery to me how we got here,” she said, later adding, “this is what you get when you pay attention to Grover Norquist.”

Amen, sister. It seems obvious to us that that assault on government that began with Barry Goldwater and found its apex in the presidency of Ronald Reagan has caused plenty of problems for people, specifically people not of means. But we still see it: Gibbons has declared he won’t raise taxes, which by the testimony at Thursday’s hearing, translates directly into more gridlock for motorists at both ends of the state.

Pierce gets it. We just wish there were more like her.

• Speaking of transportation, and the task force’s recommendations, there’s a little bit of revisionist history going on.

Gibbons said in the R-J on Jan. 27 that he was unsatisfied with the work of the blue ribbon panel. Why? Well, let’s let the governor explain:

“They never told us how to fund it. All the blue-ribbon commission told us was we need a number of dollars. … It didn’t do what I think it should have done, which is be all-inclusive of all the creative ways to fund it.”

Now, that was totally wrong when he said it. As we later pointed out, there were no fewer than 11 ways to pay for the $3.8 billion shortfall. And as Peckman noted at Thursday’s hearing, the panel looked at pretty much every tax to search for funding. (Well, except for Gibbons’ goofy idea to sell water rights from under freeways.)

So, why is it that two Review-Journal reporters have failed to call Gibbons on his mistake, and in fact have revised his statement to make it look like he knows what he’s talking about?

Reporter Ed Vogel wrote in his story today that “Last week, the governor criticized the task force, saying members did not given him enough options for funding.”

No, the governor said the task force didn’t give him any options for funding. That’s an entirely different thing. And whether Gibbons later said it was a lack of options, his original quote speaks for itself.

And reporter Molly Ball, in a stunning interview with Gibbons (we’ll address that in a second), weighed in with this: “He [Gibbons] said he did not mean to criticize the previous governor’s panel — which worked for free and included some of Nevada’s top transportation authorities — when he said he wasn’t satisfied with its funding recommendations.”

Once again, no. Gibbons didn’t say he wasn’t satisfied with the panel’s funding recommendations. He said they didn’t give any. And Ball ought to know that; she wrote the story where the original quote appeared!

Now, Gibbons has clearly decided to revise and extend his earlier remarks, because he added this in Ball’s story today: “It really didn’t give us a choice. It listed out all the fees and other things that would be necessary to get to 3.8 billion. I want to see, are there other alternatives, other ideas to come up with that 3.8 billion?”

Yeah, like selling water rights under the freeways, or perhaps air rights for winged unicorns flying above the state’s freeways, or perhaps chasing leprechauns to the end of the rainbows to get their pots of gold?

Anyway, our point is this: If Gibbons original quote is accurate — and we’ve no reason to believe it’s not — then the subsequent writing about it is flat wrong. If Gibbons said what he said, he shouldn’t be allowed to get out of having said it.

• Speaking of that story, Ball managed to unearth some excellent quotes from Gibbons in her interview. Let’s take a look:

“Nobody should have the idea that we do not know where we’re going. We are absolutely sure of where we’re going. We just need to work out the details.”

Now, how would anybody get the idea that the governor has no idea of where he’s going? Just because he attended a class to learn the details of a program that he’d already committed to spend $60 million on? Or because he sent his political transition team advisors to essentially tell lawmakers that details of his education plan are still being worked out? Or because his budget people keep changing figures in the spending plan, to the point that Assembly Ways & Means Committee Chairman Morse Arberry had to tell them to get their story straight? Or because even Republicans are heard in halls to joke about Gibbons lack of organization?

“Criticism comes with the job. I didn’t take this job to play patty-cake. I took this job to lead Nevada. Not everybody is going to agree with my vision of where Nevada should go.”

To be fair, not everybody is aware of his vision of where Nevada should go, but since he’s cool with critics, we’ll continue.

“I don’t think anybody could come in and be honest and say there’s not a learning curve.”

We’ll be honest: Gibbons has suffered from a steep, steep learning curve.

“I’m actually having fun. It’s one of those times you wake up and look forward to going to work. … It’s so much different that being a legislator, where your ideas are one of many. As governor, your ideas are one of one.”

He’s having fun? After the rockiest transition probably in state history? After getting called out on full-day kindergarten by Assemblywoman Barbara Buckley on Monday? After his rampant disorganization prompted at least one pundit to opine that he’s irrelevant to the process? That’s fun? Call us crazy, but we’d prefer a Caribbean vacation for our fun.

But this does point up one of our pet theories: For the first time in his political life, people are listening to Gibbons, and he’s not used to it. As he noted, in Congress, he was one of 434 other representatives, and was considered a back bencher at that. In the Assembly, he was one of 41 other members, again a back bencher.

But now, he’s the governor. When he speaks, people listen. And write it down. And compare it to other things he’s said. And that level of scrutiny is brand new for Gibbons. We suppose anybody in that situation would have some rocky times, at least at first. But then again, this is a job that Gibbons has had his eye on for a long time, and we’d expect him to be at least a little bit more prepared.

“That’s the personal reward of being governor. You can look back and say, ‘I left these footprints in the sand for people to follow because I think we’re going in the right direction.’ I’m excited about that. There’s a real opportunity for personal growth in being governor.”

Yes, when Nevada looks back on the sand, and sees only one set of footprints, we will know that it was then that Jim Gibbons carried us. Or something.

But seriously, “personal growth”? Like time in the governor’s mansion is some kind of Outward Bound, 12-step group? Here’s the personal growth we’d like to see, Dr. Phil: Back off this “no taxes anytime, ever” bumper-sticker philosophy, and start r