It was just a teeny, tiny brief at the tail end of an inside page, but we were, of course, alerted to the story by one of our many spies: "Monorail shut down by ‘computer glich’" read the headline.

Before we leave 2006 totally behind, and strive together to cross the bridge to the American dream that can only be found in ONE Nevada, there’s some unfinished business that we must attend to from last year. Don’t worry, we’ll make quick work of it.

» Not that we needed further confirmation, but now-retired Nevada Supreme Court Chief Justice Bob Rose admitted what we’ve known for a long time: The infamous Guinn v. Legislature decision was motivated not by the law, but by trying to "do something."

"We may have been motivated by the need to do something rather than by the law. We took what was said to heart and believed what we were told," Rose told the Review-Journal. (Nevada school superintendents were warning the courts that schools could not open on time unless a budget was in place, which prompted the court to simply brush aside a constitutional amendment that requires a two-thirds legislative vote to raise taxes.)

Let that be a lesson to all judges: No matter how good your intentions, your job is to interpret the state constitution, not to make policy or "do something." To date, every justice who signed on to the majority side of the Guinn v. Legislature opinion has either retired or been defeated at the polls. It’s a cursed ruling, like Poltergeist was a cursed movie.

» You know, we think we’ve figured out how to make millions. We’re going to start charging banks a "logo viewing fee." Every time we drive by a bank building, and see a bank logo, we’re going to demand $50 for our time and the mental energy required to process that logo.

Absurd? You won’t be saying that when we get the Clark County Commission to bless that idea and enforce the fee by law!

There’s precedent, you see: Republic Services, which has an exclusive contract to pick up trash in Clark County thanks to a franchise agreement, asked for official permission to start charging a fee for Dumpsters that were overflowing, and required a little extra work to clean up.

The county didn’t get back to the trash company. So they started charging the fee anyway, despite the fact that the company can only charge fees specifically authorized by law. Republic even started paying drivers $4 per photo of overflowing bins, which obviously gave drivers a direct financial incentive to let the bins overflow.

Of course, some people objected, which brought the issue before the commission.

But instead of saying a.) the company had engaged in illegal behavior and should be charged with a crime, specifically fraud and obtaining money under false pretenses and b.) demanding the company had to refund any "fees" collected — with interest — immediately, what did the county do?

It re-wrote the agreement so Republic Services could charge the fee legally, of course. But first they have to send a warning letter.

That’ll show the county. That they’re still Republic’s bitch. (The trash company was nice enough to agree voluntarily to refund about $300,000 in illegally collected fees, which is like a bank robber giving the money back. It doesn’t really change the fact that a crime was committed.

Anyway, we spotted a Bank of America logo on the way to work today. Pay up, Bank of America! Or the county will make you!

» Man, that Randy Walker must be one indispensable dude. The county agreed to raise his salary from about $187,000 to $225,000 in order to keep him from taking a position with a private contractor that’s landed millions in airport contracts over the years.

That’s $225,000, as in "more than the $200,000 salary earned by County Manager Virginia Valentine."

Now, we hate to be wet blankets here, but after the airport essentially was giving away great land deals to favored developers directly under the nose of one Randy Walker, might not new leadership be a good thing?

At the very least, the county should insist on erecting a Chinese wall between Walker and Carter & Burgess, to avoid the appearance that he’s lending aid and comfort to a firm that he might one day go to work for anyway. You know, after the county runs out of disposable income.

» Good thing that this loudmouth gadfly didn’t say anything bad about the mob! Mayor Oscar Goodman may have had him whacked! But seriously, folks, in what kind of a world can you have freedom of speech unless you stray from what the mayor considers to be "a gentleman"?

For the record, we at Various Things & Stuff have the highest respect for showgirls, and we deplore anyone who would deride them as "bimbos." That’s especially beneath a retired Navy man!

» Nevada first lady Dawn Gibbons has banned alcohol from events at the governor’s mansion, or those sponsored by the office of the governor?! Man, a guy has one pre-election scandal that threatens his political future, and suddenly he’s got a rep!

(Man, those are going to be some parties, eh? What do you think: Coke or Pepsi?)

» And finally today, we note with unrestrained mirth that Lt. Gov. Brian Krolicki is getting kicked upstairs after all. You remember the story: His Weaselness didn’t want to move to the more distant lieutenant governor’s office on the second floor of the state Capitol, so he tried like hell to keep his first-floor office, the one assigned to the state treasurer.

Just when it was getting really embarrassing (Krolicki on the carpet in full tantrum mode) Gov. Jim Gibbons intervened, and said Krolicki could use some office space on the first floor. In exchange, he’d send his media relations people to the second floor. The governor and his media relations people being adults, this seemed to quiet Krolicki the way a lollipop quiets a spoiled child.

Alas, it turns out the governor’s media folks — unlike Nevada’s lieutenant governor — do actual work, and the upstairs office would have to be extensively rewired. Gibbons is also a fiscal conservative, so he broke the bad news to Sir Weasel: Your den is going to have to be upstairs.

"Of course I’m disappointed. But the governor has a right to do what’s best for the office. If he misjudged his personnel needs, I understand," Krolicki said.

Oh, so it’s like that? The governor goes out of his way to accommodate Krolicki, and is repaid with a remark that implies he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Take note, governor: You may want to put locks on the outside of His Weaselness’ doors.

"I won’t miss the weeds blowing in the doorway or the noise. I don’t think where you sit has anything to do with your political position," Krolicki continued. (That’s actually true: If where you sat had anything to do with your position, the lieutenant governor’s "office" would have a cubicle at the local Kinko’s.)

Do you want more? We sure didn’t. But more there is:

"I accept it. I’m excited about working in the Legislature. I’m excited about tourism. I’m excited about economic development. I thought my suggestion would be more convenient, but others thought differently," he said. "I’m a stairmaster. I’ll get good exercise every day."

Look, we’re saying this for your own good, Mr. Lieutenant Governor. It’s time to move upstairs, and stop bitching about how you didn’t get to keep your nice office downstairs, just steps from the governor’s office. It’s time to do the job voters elected you to do, primarily because Democrats couldn’t find a candidate who cared about the job. It’s time to stop talking about this. Now. Seriously. You’re starting to go out like a bitch.

UPDATE: We said "shut up," damn it! But we’ve just learned here at Various Things & Stuff (by reading our colleague Jon Ralston’s FLASH e-mail newsletter) that Krolicki "apparently has decided to take his furniture, phone numbers and website tools with him from the treasurer’s office. … Is this the most childish episode in the history of state politics?"

Oh, yeah, it is.

Let us revise and extend our earlier remarks: Krolicki isn’t starting to go out like a bitch. He has hereby attained full bitch status. And like any spoiled child, he needs a good spanking. How about it, Gov. Gibbons? You don’t seem like the "progressive" discipline type to us.

Gov. Jim Gibbons today delivered his brief, inaugural address after taking a ceremonial oath of office at the state Capitol. (He took at the actual oath in the living room of his Reno home at midnight on Jan. 1.)

Herewith, we give you the unedited version of the governor’s remarks:

"Mr. Chief Justice, Lieutenant Governor [Brian] Krolicki, members of the State Senate and Assembly, honorable Justices of the Supreme Court, constitutional officers, distinguished guests, members of my family –my fellow Nevadans:

"First, on behalf of our State, I would like us to take a moment now to express our gratitude to the men and women who are serving in uniform, not only in this state but also around the world, making sacrifices every day to preserve and protect freedom an democracy.

"Also, please join me in saluting President Gerald Ford. His lifetime was dedicated in service to God, Country, and freedom. America was blessed to have his leadership and wisdom at a very difficult time in our nation’s history.

"Next, I wish to thank my predecessor, Governor [Kenny] Guinn, for his many years of service to Nevada.

"Today, we celebrate the democratic transfer of power from one administration to another.

"It is a transfer that was born in the fall and celebrated in the winter, here today; and which by its very nature, heralds the hope of coming Spring and the Summer that follows.

"We now have a unique opportunity and challenge–to take the nearly 143 years of growth and progress that has created the Nevada of today, and set a course for the future.

"A future that brings together the diverse communities and citizens of this great state into a common cause- One Nevada. Together we can create a new ideal of what it is to live the American Dream.

"One Nevada is a place where all of our communities set aside what separates us, and embrace what unites us from our citizens who mine the earth, drive trucks along our highways, or serve our tourists in our hotels, to those that teach in our schools and those who enforce our laws, we come together ONE Nevada.

"We are striving to create a better state that will continue to be the envy of all those who seek hope and the opportunity for themselves and their families.

"In order to achieve real results for all Nevadans, I know I must reach across the aisle, and understand that the shared patriotism I have with each person here today does not create barriers but builds bridges.

"In order to reclaim the American Dream for all Nevadans, to truly have One Nevada- we must not only build these bridges- we must cross them together.

"We must not allow the interest of one part of the State to override the concerns of another. Some would call that politics. I would call it turning our backs on the lessons of history, for any great society that pits one group against another is bound to fail.

"The test of leadership is to find common ground and then to lead the way. That challenge, to find One Nevada is one that we shall not shrink from.

"When Nevada’s first Governor, James Nye, placed his hand upon the Bible, he affirmed that the supreme executive power of this state shall be vested in a Chief Magistrate, and he solemnly swore to see that all laws are faithfully executed.

"It is this same oath that I have taken, and I am equal to the challenge.

"On that day in 1864, Governor Nye initiated a long-lasting tradition for governors who, in addition to their constitutional duties, assumed the enormous task of leading the people of Nevada – a tradition of striking the right balance and course for our fledgling population, and determining this rugged western state’s destiny.

"In the past fifty years, our governors have strived to improve upon what Governor Nye and others had begun. They made the tough decisions; together they oversaw the greatest expansion in Nevada’s history and they contributed mightily to the protection of the Nevada way of life.

"’Letting Nevadans decide what is best for Nevada’ is a hallmark of our state that has guided each governor that has served before me, and it shall guide my administration just the same.

"Let us strive to strike a balance between listening to the people and governing them. In Ronald Reagan’s second inaugural address as Governor of California, he said that ‘when those who are governed do too little, those who govern can – and often will – do too much.’

"Fortunately, for the past 143 years, this state has been blessed with leaders who knew just how much to govern – and with citizens who set the path for them to be led. That is the balance that we must strive for every day.

"All of us must share a common vision of one Nevada – which can only become a reality if we agree upon what promises that vision entails.

"It is a promise to make all decisions with fiscal discipline and strive to renew our faith in the American Dream - a dream of home ownership, safe streets and bountiful opportunity."