Just a few quick things before we rush back into computer training, readers.

• God help us. You don’t have to believe in divine justice to appreciate the desperate, clumsy ploy of gadfly Chris Christoff. He’s opened a “church” in the vicinity of the Crazy Horse Too, knowing full well that the city’s Municipal Code prohibits the granting of a liquor license to a business within 1,500 feet of a church.

Sound familiar? It’s just like the time that Crazy Horse Too owner Rick Rizzolo’s sister opened a church near property on Industrial Road where the Davari brothers of Houston wanted to open a strip club (the business now known as Treasures). It was an obvious ploy designed to squelch competition in the adult racket, and it ended when the “church” moved.

So, kudos to Christoff for his fine appreciation of hoisting Rizzolo on his own petard, but let’s be honest: Christoff has not opened a real church. He’s simply trying to use the law to screw an old adversary — Rizzolo. And while Rizzolo is certainly not a nice person, he’s been fined, stripped of his business and faces possible prison time for his crimes.

That should be enough. The City Council should allow the would-be buyer of the Crazy Horse Too to obtain a temporary liquor license and operate the club in an area of town clearly appropriate for that kind of activity. And Christoff should be told to go with God, but not to take his name in vain to thwart a legitimate business.

• Smith loves the monorail. The Review-Journal’s Rod Smith seems to have found some part-time employment as a public-relations agent for the Las Vegas Monorail. And with the troubled train doing so poorly, it can use all the help it can get.

Regular blog fans will recall that Smith recently penned a story touting the monorail’s expansion plans, but waited until he was 28 paragraphs in before reporting that there was absolutely no plan on how to pay for the pipe dreams. The very next day, R-J Road Warrior Omar Sofradzija reported the monorail was still on hard times.

Whoops. Forgot to coordinate the message.

This time, Smith was back with a hopeful column item on Sunday, in which he reported that “Ridership is up and increasing on the Las Vegas Monorail during peak periods, 8 to 10 a.m. and 4 to 6 p.m. weekdays, anecdotal evidence suggests. That’s a critical contribution to managing the traffic woes of the resort corridor and relieving guest anxieties, hotel-casino operators say.”

Oh, really? Anecdotal evidence, eh? The same kind of evidence that might lead us at Various Things & Stuff to refer Smith, once again, to a Sofradzija piece, this time published the exact same day? In that Road Warrior missive, the monorail’s very nice flack, Ingrid Reisman, desperately tries to spin the case for the failing monorail.

Sofradzija assures us that “You didn’t pay for it, you’re not paying for it and you’re not going to pay for it.” And while he mentions the fact that the monorail got tax-exempt state bonds, he doesn’t mention that the train likely would not have been built without them.

“Just about the only way local taxpayers can get stuck with the tab is if an agency like the Clark County Commission or Regional Transportation Commission decides to take it over. That would require a public vote by elected officials who likely don’t want to commit political suicide by doing so,” Sofradzija writes.

Ah, but monorail founder Bob Broadbent predicted on multiple occasions that the monorail one day would be public property (after he and partner Cam Walker got rich off the train, that is).

But Sofradzija adds that locals don’t use the train (despite a long-ago prediction by RTC General Manager Jacob Snow that the monorail would one day be the “backbone” of the public transportation system in the valley); that the train doesn’t travel to destinations locals would find useful; it’s not reducing traffic in town ad there are better mass transit options.

Reisman, for her part, says the monorail is helping to relieve congestion on the Strip, and without it, tourism will be adversely affected. “The visitor experience will continue to be degraded simply because it’s too hard to get around. This in turn affects our economy, our unemployment rate and our quality of life.”

Well, gee, thank God we’ve got the monorail to save us. Oh, wait, we just remembered: It’s not saving us. Hence the need for public relations pros like Reisman, and, apparently, Smith. Does the monorail have pictures of him canoodling with the devil or something?

FULL DISCLOSURE: Rod Smith was publisher of CityLife during part of our long-ago tenure as a writer, from 1998-1999. The Review-Journal is owned by Stephens Media LLC, which also owns CityLife. (But probably doesn’t like to admit it.)

• Priorities. So, let us get this straight: A Republican congressman from Florida, Mark Foley, who, by the way, was co-chair of the Missing and Exploited Children caucus, sends sexually explicit instant messages to a 16-year-old male page. The page’s sponsor finds out about it, and tells the head of the Republican campaign committee, U.S. Rep. Tom Reynolds, R-N.Y. He shares that info with Speaker Dennis Hastert. And collectively they do … nothing.

Both the page’s sponsor and Reynolds said the page’s parents didn’t want to pursue the matter, which in itself is highly questionable. But the fact remains, House leaders allowed a would-be pedophile to continue serving in Congress and even run for re-election, knowing all the time he presented a danger to children. (It turns out, he’d sent some graphic messages to pages back in 2003, too, and was quietly warned last year to stay away from the 16-year-old page) Why? Clearly, because they wanted to retain a seat in Congress in a year when it looks like Democrats are going to make big gains. It’s criminal. Literally.

Child safety is not a partisan issue. By trying to keep this matter quiet, the Republicans in question — whomever knew about the situation but did nothing — have shown themselves to be unworthy of their seats. They should all resign, as Foley did when ABC News revealed his e-mails and instant messages.

This issue doesn’t look like it’s going away, either. After Hastert asked for an investigation (claiming he hadn’t learned of the allegations until very recently) the FBI announced it would probe the matter, since the e-mails and instant messages crossed state lines. Foley has reportedly checked himself into rehab. And the party that promised to restore dignity to Washington, D.C. once more finds itself enmeshed in scandal born of the unquenchable desire to retain its hold on politics.

• So, President George W. Bush says that those who say the war in Iraq has made America less safe embrace the “enemy’s propaganda.” And since that National Intelligence Estimate said precisely that, we can only conclude that Bush considers the nation’s 16 intelligence agencies to be the enemy.

Makes sense, in a way.

• Quotable: “The Democrats irrational opposition to strong national security policies that help keep our nation secure should be of great concern to the American people. To always have reasons why you just can’t vote ‘yes,’ I think, speaks volumes when it comes to which party is better able and more willing to take on the terrorists and defeat them.” — House Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, on a bill to legalize the warantless wiretapping of Americans’ overseas phone calls and e-mails.

Yes, those damn Democrats and their stupid “reasons” for not voting yes. Like, say, the Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution. Or the fact that the already-questionable Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act already lets the administration conduct wiretapping, and only requires an explanation within three days. To a secret court.

We’ve got to hand it to the Republicans: They are totally more willing to sacrifice the Constitution in order to protect America than are the Democrats. No question.