It’s just another manic Monday, but not so busy that we don’t have a few Quick HIts for you!

• Oh, damn the luck! Right in the middle of summer driving season, the good folks at BP Exploration Alaska Inc. discover their pipes are corroding! Not wanting to be responsible for an environmental catastrophe — or, should we say, another environmental catastrophe — they decided to shut down about half the production on Alaska’s North Slope, thus leaving America 400,000 barrels per day short.

Of course, as a result, the price of crude oil went through the roof.

How did this happen, you might ask? Why did the company discover that its pipes were corroded to the point of leaking right now, when global oil markets are hypersensitive to any volatility?

Good question.

• We suppose the Review-Journal eventually had to get around to writing about the lieutenant governor’s race sometime, although it’s hard to justify the newsprint. We only took away three interesting quotes from the story about a race that almost doesn’t matter:

– “I decided not to raise money at this point. I decided I’m able to put zero raised, zero spent. They won’t be able to indict me with that.” — Candidate and ex-Las Vegas Councilwoman Janet Moncrief, who was recalled from office after being indicted for filing a false campaign finance report.

Yeah, we’re sure she chose not to raise money. Probably had to turn down millions in donations from people who believe somebody who wasn’t qualified to even run for the City Council, much less serve, should be a heartbeat away from being governor. That makes sense.

– “I have no interest in being governor. I’m not suited for the job. The odds of something happening to the governor is probably 10 million to 1 and I’m a gambler.” — Fellow candidate Bob Stupak.

So, if Stupak doesn’t want to be governor, and by his own admission isn’t suited for the job, he’s got no business running for lieutenant governor, either. No matter the odds, if something does happen to the governor, Stupak would have to step in, at least until state Sen. Bill Raggio got to the Capitol and started giving orders. And in that brief time, God only knows what could happen!

It’s time Nevada started researching it’s very own 25th Amendment, so that power devolves to the speaker of the Assembly and the Senate president pro tem, but only in the event a total loser gets elected lieutenant governor. Sadly, with the field of candidates out there, that’s a very real possibility.

– “I’ve done that. I don’t need to do that. Come on, I’ve learned.” — Candidate and former Lt. Gov. Lonnie Hammargren, running again for the job, on how he once appointed a county commissioner when he was serving as acting governor because Gov. Bob Miller was out of state.

Later, we understand, Miller’s staff would “forget” to tell Hammargren that Miller was traveling, so that Hammargren wouldn’t know he was technically governor. It wasn’t exactly constitutional, but it was an easy fix to a thorny problem. That must have been fun, too. “Oh, no, Mr. Lieutenant Governor, Bob’s just stepped out for lunch. He’ll be back soon….”

• Speaking of the R-J, the paper predictably slammed the Senate Democrats, and favorite target U.S. Sen. Harry Reid, for killing that minimum wage bill with the estate tax poison pill attached. The editorial starts with the headline “Democrats block minimum wage hike,” and bitches for 10 paragraphs before we learn about the real reason it was killed: What the R-J calls “a modest reduction in the death tax.”

Please. This Republican spin was written in Washington when the two issues were joined. Democrats have been trying for almost a decade to boost the minimum wage hike, and Republicans knew if there was a bill on that topic — and that topic alone — it would be overwhelmingly approved. (Their business masters might not like it, however, since they don’t like anything that empowers working people.)

So, the GOP linked the idea to an estate tax break for estates worth at least $5 million, a little candy flavor to make the bad medicine go down easier. They reasoned they could say they voted for a minimum wage hike — which outrageously popular — and blame Democrats for killing it. Or, if Democrats bit the bullet and passed it, they’d get their rich benefactors some estate tax relief. So along comes the R-J to give philosophical and intellectual cover to a bush-league political game.

Still, the page shows some promise with its second editorial. Since Afghanistan appears to be rebuilding the elements of the Taliban government that made life there so oppressive, despite our attempts to bring them democracy and a Western appreciation for freedom, maybe it’s time to let them chart their own course, the page suggests.

We agree: You can’t civilize a people who think the rules of religion should be enshrined in the laws of a country. It reminds us of some photos a friend sent along recently of an Islamic protest in England: Several protesters carried signs urging the killing of anyone who insults Islam (you know, the religion of peace). We hate to admit it, but that’s beyond the reach of reason, the Enlightenment, or even our common humanity. You can encourage freedom, tolerance and democracy all you like, but at the end of the day, the people of a country must choose that course for themselves before real change happens.

• And finally today, the Las Vegas Sun wrote about attorney Glen Lerner’s battle with the State Bar of Nevada over his television ads, which are totally cheesy but totally entertaining, too.

Lerner has sued the bar to prevent them from regulating his ads, which some say degrade the legal profession. “Oh, God. How are we different than anyone else, other than we have law degrees?” Lerner asks.

Um, we’re going to guess: No souls?

Anyway, Lerner says legal ads just shouldn’t be “some old guy with a big belly sitting in front of a bunch of law books.”

Hey! We’re getting old! And we’ve got a big belly! And damn if we don’t sit in front of a bunch of (non) law books here in our office! Why, we think Lerner has slandered us! And all the rest of the Hefto-American community, too! It’s class action lawsuit time, baby! Fatties of the world unite!

Now, where’s that TV remote? As lazy, fat Americans, we at Various Things & Stuff can’t get up and get the yellow pages to find a lawyer; we have to choose from those who advertise on TV. There it is! OK, let’s see here. Oh, hey, it’s Days of Our Lives! Wonder what that babe Hope is up to these days. Man, that’s a great show. Is Beau still around? What were we saying before…?