Businesswoman Barbara Lee Woollen is suing state Treasurer Brian Krolicki over those ads alleging that Woollen’s movie-production company leased equipment to dirty-movie makers? Now that’s not very Republican!

Remember when Republicans were against trial lawyers? Now, U.S. Sen. John Ensign’s bill to outlaw taking a minor across state lines to get an abortion allows parents to sue the person who took her.

Has the world gone crazy? Or have Republicans finally recognized the legitimate and valuable role lawyers play in contemporary society?

Doubt it. Woollen’s lawsuit — which looks legally lame to us — was designed to strike back at Krolicki, who in turn was striking at Woollen, who in turn had made immigration, not tourism, the No. 1 issue in the governor’s race.

And Ensign, well, in the defense of life, extremism, even embracing the trial bar, is no vice. This is the “values agenda” they’re trying desperately to enact before the November election, after all.

Anybody up for a game of Quote Deconstruction? OK, let’s play! (Our deconstructions are in italics, to avoid confusion.)

• “This is one of the biggest issues of the day: the right to have an abortion. It splits America. We need to look for common ground, where we can come together and have some reasonable restrictions on abortion.” — Ensign.

But wait: If abortion really is a “right,” then why the hell do we need to agree on restrictions? And if it really does split America, then how does a law placing restrictions on it bring the country together? Is it possible, just possible, that Ensign doesn’t really care about finding common ground, and that his real goal is to chip away at a “right” he doesn’t like?

• Ensign cited polls that show 80 percent of Americans believe there should be limits on teen abortions.

So if 80 percent in polls said abortion should be a sacrosanct right, Ensign would stop his attacks on it and leave women alone? If 80 percent on polls said they wanted the U.S. out of Iraq, Ensign would introduce the legislation? Where’s the magic number? Is it 80? Or 70? How about 60? If 50 percent of the people voted for Al Gore in 2000, shouldn’t he be president, Sen. Ensign? (And they did, by the way.)

• “Transporting minors across state lines to bypass parental consent laws regarding abortion undermines state law and jeopardizes the lives of young women.” — President George W. Bush

Oh, really? How are their lives jeopardized, assuming they’re being taken to qualified doctors in another state? And would they be safer going to qualified physicians in states where the practice was legal or unqualified physicians operating under-the-radar in states where it’s not legal?

And when did seeking relief from one state’s laws in another become wrong? Will Bush allow the IRS to help the California Franchise Tax Board track down rich people who live in the Golden State but claim Nevada residency to avoid California taxes? They are, after all, undermining state law, aren’t they? Catch the lawbreakers, Mr. President!

• “We should all be able to agree the best way to reduce abortions is to reduce teen pregnancies. And the proven way to protect [teenagers] is by comprehensive education.” — U.S. Sen. Frank Lautenberg, D-N.J.

This is an example of what we call “common sense,” which dies on the Senate floor faster than Ensign can run the bases at a congressional softball game. Sure enough, it died, 51-48. For the anti-education senators, click here.

• “My company did not work on [the films]. People come to our company [to get] our equipment, they load it on their trucks and they take it away.” — Barbara Lee Woollen, defending herself from charges her company’s equipment was used to shoot porn.

That’s right, folks. She didn’t work on adult-oriented films! How was she to know what films they’re going to use her equipment for? (Although, quite frankly Barbara, it might be a good idea to give that equipment an extra-through cleaning when you get it back, if you know what we mean.) Then again, if people just grab the equipment and go, they could be making all manner of horrible, filthy mateiral! They could do snuff films such as The Passion of the Christ or even an Ann Coulter video! Maybe it’s time somebody at Woollen’s company took a greater interest in the business?

• “Congressman Porter takes his marching orders from his constituents. A memo is not going to tell him how to conduct his congressional business over the recess.” — T.J. Crawford, the (only) public voice for Nevada’s 3rd District representative in Congress. Apparently, Republicans (literally) printed up talking points for members of Congress to use in their home states during the August recess.

We don’t have a joke here. We just put it in because the quote itself is the joke, since Porter’s been taking marching orders from party leaders for about four years now. If only there was some way Southern Nevada could get a real independent representative in Congress.