Hold on to your keyboards, dear readers. We at Various Things & Stuff have some shocking breaking news for you. Before reading further, we suggest that you sit down, so as not to injure yourself when you learn what we’re about to tell you. Be sure you are not eating or drinking, lest you spew the food or beverage from your mouth in surprise. Place all sharp objects at least an arm’s length away. Center your chakras.

Ready? We’ll give you a second.

OK, here we go.

Today, in Las Vegas, Nevada, the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce (motto: “The voice of big business”) issued a statement indicating that its leadership has endorsed, for governor of Nevada in the upcoming November election …

… U.S. Rep. Jim Gibbons.

Yes, we know this news will likely disorient you. Please take a moment to allow it to sink in, lest you rise from your chair in surprise and fall down. While you’re doing that, we’ll feed you a couple of reasons why the chamber decided to go out on such a limb and back Gibbons.

“Jim Gibbons has a strong record of standing up for business as a Nevada assemblyman for six years and as a congressman for ten years,” says John Wilcox, chairman of the chamber’s board of trustees. “As our state moves forward, it is imperative that our next governor protect Nevada’s pro-business legacy and has the leadership and vision to ensure that the needs of business — particularly small business — are protected.”

Now, before you go writing in the comments field about the chamber’s shocking betrayal of small business in 2003’s gross receipts tax debate, remember that Wilcox is new to the whole chamber thing, so they probably didn’t tell him about that. Let’s hear more from him, shall we?

“The chamber believes that Jim Gibbons has the right vision for the future of Nevada. He has demonstrated his willingness to listen to the needs and concerns of business and has a strong record of working with legislators both in Nevada and in Washington, D.C. This combination of experience and pro-business values are the qualities Nevada’s next governor needs in order to lead our state into the future,” Wilcox added.

Well, it would be difficult to lead our state into the past, but that’s not important right now. The real important thing is that Gibbons actually doesn’t have a record of working with legislators in Nevada or Washington, D.C.

Local and state officials, for example, said Gibbons was stupid (we’re paraphrasing) for proposing a change in the spending of Southern Nevada Public Lands Management Act money, a change that opened the door for Republicans in the White House to try to pilfer that money to cover their out-of-control spending. Gibbons is famous for being passed over for key committee assignments, sometimes by congressmen who were junior to him, a clear sign he had few friends in leadership. His most high-profile project in Congress — selling off public lands that previously were used as mines or whatnot — was never consummated, which is a good thing.

But Gibbons does have a strong record of standing up for business, especially businesses like mining and casinos. And he’s most certainly demonstrated a willingness to listen to the needs and concerns of business. The only problem is, the governor is supposed to be the elected leader of the people. But that’s about as important to the chamber as tax fairness, which is to say, not important at all.

Anyway, you should have had enough time now to recover from this shocking, surprise announcement. Feel free to get up and walk around. Eat something if you want. As for us, we’re reaching for that extra special bottom drawer containing the Middleton Very Rare to toast this news in the only way we can: With our “Titus for Governor” mug.

P.S. Of course, we at Various Things & Stuff do not make political endorsements, and the fact that we may or may not be actually drinking from a Titus for Governor mug is meant in no way whatsoever to imply we have a bias as to who should be the next governor. We are totally opened-minded about that. Totally. After all, we also have a Beers for Governor pretzel bowl, a Hunt for Governor coffeepot and a Gibson for Governor mousepad.

Things are mighty hectic over here in the nondescript building in an industrial area near McCarran International Airport, so we’ve got to be Quick about our Hits today! Luckily, they’re now available in your grocer’s freezer, ready after just two minutes in the microwave. (Cooking times may vary.)

Here we go!

• U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay is now former U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay! Woo-hoo!

In typical DeLay fashion, he was a prick to the end. “For all its faults, it is partisanship, based on core principles, that clarifies our debates, the prevents one party from straying too far from the mainstream and that constantly refreshes our politics with new ideas and new leaders,” said DeLay, who had been in Congress for 22 years. (He resigned because he’s facing an indictment for conspiracy to violate campaign finance laws in Texas.)

Poor DeLay. He never understood that if your “core principles” include “win at all costs, even if you have to break the law to do it,” than your partisanship is no different than bush-league thuggery. We read that a reporter glimpsed DeLay giving a farewell speech to the Republican caucus, which was on its feet in applause. Anybody know if our own U.S. Rep. Jon Porter, a recipient of lots of campaign contributions and how-to-vote orders from DeLay, was clapping with the rest of them?

• U.S. Rep. Jim Gibbons says “we’re a nation of immigrants,” and that “here in Nevada, we’ve benefited greatly from Hispanics” and immigrants “were a blessing to our nation, not a problem.” So why did he vote to make illegal immigrants felons? Nobody at a Hispanic luncheon covered by the Las Vegas Sun bothered to ask. Too bad.

• Oh, yes, Gov. Kenny Guinn, by all means rush to appoint former FBI Special Agent in Charge Ellen Knowlton to the Gaming Control Board. After all, the two terms of former fed Bobby Siller worked out so well, with crusades against billboards and nightclubs and unsolicited advice about how to run private gaming salons.

Governor, just because Siller wants Knowlton doesn’t mean you have to appoint her. Why not cast a wider net for somebody who’s going to, say, focus on gambling issues and not go on a one-man crusade to clean up Las Vegas morals?

• And finally today, the Las Vegas Sun took a look at fringe political players like Tony Dane. We credit reporters Tony Cook and J. Patrick Coolican for keeping things in perspective, and noting that people like the homophobic Dane, repeat liar Steve Miller and King of All Losers George Harris have virtually no concrete political accomplishments to their names, despite years of trying.

It’s far better than another paper that was duped into writing recently that Harris was “influential.”

We at Various Things & Stuff, being bloggers in the sense of the term that we have a blog and write things on it, went to the YearlyKOS convention this weekend at the lovely Riviera hotel-casino. (Did you know they have a Quizno’s in that place! Delicious!) Anyway, we learned a few things, which we would like to share with you via the blogification process:

• These bloggers are serious. At times, we could have sworn we were at an investigative journalism convention, only with people more computer literate. The constant bashing of the mainstream media (MSM) during the conference gave it away, however. Bloggers do not like the mainstream media. They think the mainstream media is lazy, not aggressive enough and, well, old.

Being a lazy, old member of the mainstream media, we were properly chastised. And given that the convention came on the very same weekend that the Los Angeles Times was running a three-part series about outright corrupt practices in Nevada courts, we were doubly chastised. It’s time for us to stop being so lazy, non-aggressive and old! we said to ourselves.

• These bloggers love U.S. Sen. Harry Reid. They love him. He got three standing ovations during a somewhat boring speech on Saturday night, and was mobbed by bloggers thereafter.

It’s odd. Reid voted for the war. Bloggers, at least the ones at YearlyKOS, were against the war. Bloggers are pro-choice. Reid is pro-life. Bloggers aren’t really religious. Reid is a devout Mormon. Bloggers want to impeach President George W. Bush for, among other things, subverting the Constitution. Reid is against impeachment. (To be fair, he’s got a good line about that: “If Bush is impeached, who becomes president? That’s a non-starter.” Good one, senator!)

But the bloggers love Reid, and it has a lot to do with two things: One, his invocation of Rule 21, which shut down the Senate so that Reid could demand a discussion on the war. Two, his staff’s outreach to the online community. Chief of Staff Susan McCue, for example, knows almost everyone in blogland. (She introduced us to the lovely Arianna Huffington, in fact, although we didn’t get a chance to discuss with her our mutual hatred of the Reid slogan “American can do better.”)

Reid may be an old-school politician and a total insider, but he’s in the Top 5 on the list of politicians bloggers love to love. And the fact that Reid came to YearlyKOS, lending it legitimacy, didn’t hurt.

• These bloggers are not out-of-touch malcontents, angrily tapping away at their keyboards in a caffeine-induced rage at the Republican machine. (That’s just us at Various Things & Stuff! We don’t call our column in CityLife “Coffee & Outrage” for nothing!)

We found the bloggers we met and heard speak at the conference to be remarkably well-informed, passionate and intelligent. They were almost uniformly liberal, probably more so than the average person. (Exposure to reality tends to do that to a person.) That’s what prompted Republican Party Chairman Paul Adams to bash them via e-mail as “a collection of angry-spirited liberals who are more focused on impeaching presidents and attacking mainstream policy than providing safety and solutions for America.”

But Mr. Chairman: Impeaching this president and his miserable vice president, is a solution for America that would make us all safer!

• These bloggers have clout: In addition to Reid, the conference saw appearances by retired Gen. Wesley Clark, U.S. Sen. Barbara Boxer, former Virginia Gov. Mark Warner, DNC Chairman Howard Dean, our own Assembly Speaking-to-be Barbara Buckley, ex-Ambassador (and administration revenge target) Joe Wilson and the aforementioned Huffington. These are not the kinds of folks who would show up to a gathering of people who don’t have influence.

Why do they have the clout? For the same reason newspapers and the rest of the mainstream media do: Audience. These bloggers can speak to more people more quickly than any phone tree, any direct mail operation, any e-mail blast ever could, and they do it in a compelling way. Anybody who doesn’t get that is missing a crucial development in politics.

And who did get it in the mainstream media? The Las Vegas Sun, that’s who. The newspaper did a better job overall on its YearlyKOS coverage than did the Review-Journal, which won’t even let its excellent political columnist have a blog.

Check out the Sun’s coverage here, here and here.