Some Monday quick hits, now with extra cheesy flavor!

• Quotable: “It is my aim and it is my hope that we will witness a grand jury investigation with reporters present being asked to reveal who is leaking this information.” — CIA Director Porter Goss, condemning leaks of the warrantless eavesdropping on American citizens by the National Security Agency.

My, that’s an awfully prurient fantasy for a man who’s sworn an oath to defend the Constitution, isn’t it? But we’ll tell Goss who’s leaking right now: Patriots, Porter, patriots! Lucky for them, they’re virtually unrecognizable to members of the Bush administration.

• More quotable: Without anonymous sources, “What you have then is a press only reporting on what the powerful want the press to say about them.” — New York Times Co. attorney George Freeman.

And that’s just the point. Politicians, especially presidents, corporate chiefs, big advertisers … they all want a docile and stenographic press. They see that as the best of all possible worlds, because, to them, popularity, image and the bottom line are all that matters. The truly horrific effects upon democracy are irrelevant, which is why we can’t let politicians, corporate chiefs and big advertisers decide what we write.

• U2 singer Bono told the National Prayer Breakfast that the United States should give an additional 1 percent of its budget to the poor. He says it’s unjust to prevent poor people from selling goods or saddling them with the debts of their grandparents or withholding medicine that can save their lives. “God will not accept that. Mine won’t. Will yours?” he said.

President George W. Bush replied with the old brush off: “You’re an amazing guy, Bono. God bless you,” said Bush, whose God apparently wants him to ban abortion, gay marriage and use federal funds to promote religion in schools and social programs.

Well, put Bono on the road to sainthood. He’s performed his first miracle: Getting Bush to admit there is a wall separating religion from the state, provided the state is a capitalist oligarchy that needs protection from the likes of Jesus, who once said it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.

• Are the Fremont Street Experience Limited Liability Co. and the city of Las Vegas being total dicks by not paying the ACLU of Nevada the $86,350.55 in legal fees incurred after the ACLU successfully fought anti-free speech regulations on the Fremont Street Experience mall in federal court?

You bet.

It seems to us the Fremont Street people were pretty angry when Binion’s Horseshoe owed some back dues and refused to pay. They even went to court, as we recall. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, that foot is dragging.

Hey, Fremont Street Experience: You had a good run telling people your mall was “private” and they couldn’t pass out literature or solicit money or even speak the name of Jesus thereupon. But justice prevailed, you were wrong all along, and now you’ve got to pay up. And let that be a lesson to you.

• So officials with the Las Vegas Monorail want to take the system to the west side of the Strip as well as McCarran International Airport? And it seems they’ve asked the question of the right people: Clark County Commissioner Bruce Woodbury, who was instrumental in getting the Juice Train up and running in the first place, and Regional Transportation Commission boss Jacob Snow. Oh, and MGM Mirage and Harrah’s, which between them own most of the Strip.

OK, fine. Let the monorail drop parts on the west side of the Strip for a change. But let’s all agree on one thing: The monorail can’t incur one thin dime of taxpayer money, whether in the form of tax-free bonds, tax exemptions, loans, grants or any other valuable consideration. If it does, it’s pitchfork-and-torch time.

Oh, and taxpayers need to be fully compensated for any and every incursion onto a publicly owned right-of-way, including streets and airport property. That’s only fair.

• What’s this? A British human rights lawyer says President Bush met with United Kingdom Prime Minister Tony Blair on Jan. 31, 2003, and told Blair that the United States would invade Iraq whether or not U.N. inspectors found weapons of mass destruction? And that the United States would invade with or without a U.N. resolution? And that instead of asking Bush if he was crazy, Blair agreed immediately? And that a memo detailing this meeting and conversation exists?

Color us totally non-shocked. And mighty pissed off, too.

This sums it up: At 8:30 a.m. Friday morning, the day after what was surely one of the worst, most stressful days of her life, UNLV President Carol Harter’s Cadillac was parked in her usual space on campus. Despite being forced out of her job by Chancellor Jim Rogers, Harter didn’t even take a day off when even her worst detractor (hello, Jim) wouldn’t have questioned the move.

And let’s set one thing to rest: It’s not speculation, allegation or rumor that Rogers forced Harter out. It’s flat-out fact. He may be able to get away with telling the UNLV Rebel Yell that he was not involved in negotiations to ease Harter out of her job, but that’s simply not true.

Don’t believe us? Well, check out the Las Vegas Sun of Feb. 2, which extensively details the fact that Rogers had summoned Board of Regents Chairman Bret Whipple to his office to share his bill of particulars about Harter. (Yes, yes, we know Whipple was elected by the people and Rogers wasn’t, and that Whipple should be the one summoning Rogers to Whipple’s office, but that’s a fight we’ve lost.)

The Sun story documents the fact that Rogers had copies of letters in which Harter’s resignation and new position were detailed.

It was, apparently, UNLV Foundation players like Ted Quirk, Dan Van Epp and Don Snyder who saved the day by hammering out the plan for Harter to take a fund-raising job. (Ironically, one of the things Rogers apparently didn’t like about Harter was that she annoyed donors. So what better job than fund-raising! It’s one of many things about this ouster that simply doesn’t make sense.)

Where are the elected officials who oversee Rogers in all this? Well, take this quote from the Sun story by way of answer: “I don’t know what happened between her [Harter] and Jim and I don’t think I need to know because they worked it out,” Whipple said. And that’s the chairman of the Board of Regents, folks!

No, it took Regent Linda Howard to question Rogers on his role in Harter’s departure, backed up by Regent Howard Rosenberg. Both think Rogers is acting beyond the scope of his authority, but both are flawed messengers. And, at week’s end, it didn’t look like the rest of the regents were going to summon the courage to demand Rogers — who is their employee, by the way, explain himself.

About the only person who looks good in this scenario is Harter. Her farewell speech essentially refuted every criticism Rogers had leveled at her, leaving him to mutter something about them differing as to whether “blue cars” or “red cars” are better. That’s a reason to replace the paint on your car, not the reason to replace a successful and obviously well-liked university president.

On Friday, Harter showed she has more class, more grace and more commitment to the university — not to running the university, but to the university itself — than anybody else in the system, including Rogers. We’ll be sad to see her go, but glad she’ll still be around, fund-raising and running the Black Mountain Institute. We’re guessing her car will be parked in her new space before 8:30 a.m. in early June.

So the Republicans elected themselves a new majority leader in the person of U.S. Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio. If that name sounds familiar, it’s because we’ve reported that our own U.S. Rep. Jon Porter was an early supporter of Boehner’s. (And no, we don’t think the $10,000 that Boehner gave to Porter’s re-election had anything to do with it; it’s more likely the result of the two men working together on the Education and the Workforce Committee.)

Boehner’s victory was a surprise, given that U.S. Rep. Roy Blunt, R-Ohio, a key lieutenant to ex-Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas, was the favorite. But Boehner might have benefited from a recent push for ethics in the upper house that taints anything connected to DeLay. (By the way, Boehner says he thinks DeLay is innocent; Porter hasn’t gone that far, but he is refusing to return a hefty chunk of campaign change unless or until DeLay is convicted of something.)

Republicans, as part of their ethics reform package, have proposed banning ex-House members from the gym or the House floor if they’re lobbying. That sounds like a good place to start. But how about banning sitting members from the floor if they’re lobbying, as Boehner did in 1995 when he handed out checks from the tobacco industry on the House floor? (He admitted on Meet the Press this weekend that acting as a tobacco lobbyist was “a mistake.” So, we imagine, was this quote: “I can tell you that everything I’ve ever done is aboveboard, ethical and every action I’ve taken during my political career has been in the best interests of my constituents and the American people.” Well, maybe not every action.

Anyway, the only thing we can say is this: Porter had damn well better get that seat on the Ways & Means Committee now. He’s tried before, but despite being an almost 100 percent reliable vote for the House Republican leadership, the most he’s gotten is a little-known subcommittee chairmanship from which he’s attacked Yucca Mountain.

Now, having not only carried a million acre-feet of water for the likes of Speaker Dennis Hastert, DeLay, Blunt and the rest, and having come out early for the new majority leader, Porter’s in the best position possible to make the argument that we think he’s been shooting for all along: “Sure, I’ve cast votes out of step with Nevada. Sure, I’ve surrendered any pretense of being independent. Sure, I’m an Avenue Q puppet for some nasty national folks. But I did it all for you, Nevada, to get a seat on the committee that can really bring home the bacon. Now sit back, relax, and watch the demonstration projects come.” (You just watch: Porter will no sooner get that seat than the Republicans, in a desperate bid to hold on to their seats, will ban earmarks, thus taking the filthy lucre out of the job. Damn the luck!)

Oh, if you’re keeping score at home, Boehner not only voted to send nuclear waste to Nevada, he also took fact-finding trips to both Yucca Mountain and Spain at the expense of the nuclear industry. Porter says he disagrees with the guy he just helped put into the majority leader’s office on that issue. We bet he does. Porter also disagrees with Boehner on the issue of returning money donated by clients of disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Although Porter called for U.S. Sen. Harry Reid and U.S. Rep. Shelley Berkley to return Abramoff-connected donations, he’s yet to publicly call on his man Boehner to do so. (Maybe Porter sent a text message to the new boss? “Give back the JackA $$$, Mr.Ldr! Urgent!”)

Finally, an issue of equal time. Republicans have been excoriating Reid, who received contributions from Indian tribes represented by Abramoff. Reid, who repeatedly says he’s never met Abramoff, has refused to return the $61,000.

But Reid didn’t just take money from Abramoff tribal clients. He took money one day before he and fellow U.S. Sen. John Ensign signed a letter to Interior Secretary Gale Norton advocating a position beneficial to those tribal donors. And, as the Republicans have noted, the tribes represented by Abramoff never gave Reid any money before Abramoff became their lobbyist.

Interesting. And wrong. The Republicans are right on this one: Reid should return the money, donate it to a charity, give it to DeLay’s legal defense fund, etc. But he should get rid of it, and if he doesn’t, he deserves the bad publicity.

We at Various Things & Stuff know it’s wrong to hate. But what other reaction can there be to last week’s Republican budget-cutting bill that was aimed at welfare (the single-mother kind, not the billion-dollar Exxon kind) and students seeking financial aid to master math and science, just like President George W. Bush says they should?

What kind of hypocritical crap is this?

The budget bill, which passed the Senate only with the intervention of Vice President Dick Cheney’s tie-breaking vote, passed the House by a mere two votes. Might we be so bold as to suggest those votes belonged to Nevada’s Republican Reps. Jim Gibbons and Jon Porter? They were on the winning side of the 216 to 214 split. Thanks, Jim. Thanks, Jon. Good thing you guys aren’t running for anything anytime soon.

Oh, wait…

Democrats, predictably, had a field day. Bush cuts welfare while pushing to make his tax cuts for the rich permanent?! We’ll go one further, and pose a hypothetical: How many welfare moms does it take to equal one year’s worth of tax giveaways to big oil? How about nuclear power?

Here’s another screw job contained in the bill: Federal funds for tracking down deadbeat dads were cut, shifting responsibility for enforcement to the states, which don’t have the money, either. So more deadbeat dads will skip out on payments at the very time that funds for welfare are also being cut. But the guys who make student loans? They’ll save $22 billion over 10 years.

At least there’s an upside, you say. The government will stave off deficit spending thanks to the sacrifice of all these poor people, right? Not really: The cuts are projected to save less than one-half of 1 percent over the next five years, a mere $40 billion overall. Why, that’s but a single year’s worth of government-supported Exxon profits! (And, we learn from weekend news reports, the deficit is going to soar above $400 billion, just as the nation reaches the max on its collective credit cards at $8.18 trillion. Better get the credit card company on the line and ask for an increase! Thank God we’ve got the fiscally conservative Republicans in charge, huh?)

Speaking of Exxon, as we did just a few moments ago, Bush (actually) said last week that Exxon’s profits were the result of the free market at work, and that consumers shouldn’t expect price breaks. But his friends and colleagues over at Big Oil can sure as hell expect their tax breaks, can’t they? How can these people justify denying help to the neediest while funneling it to the richest? At the very least, consistency would demand they toss everybody to sink or swim in the sea of the free market, right?

Like we said, we try not to hate. But it’s very difficult in these dark days.